Today I will start on a journey; a journey to find the right path for me.
During the past week, I found out a lot about myself. Something that were good, somethings were just the opposite. As a quick synopsis, here is a list of just a few of the things I have learned:
- I didn't know as much as I thought I did in regards to my faith - So I bought a King James Bible on CD so I can read and listen at the same time. Also, I will be attending a church when I move to Tennessee and I'm looking for a decent one in Ohio still for the next 4 months.
- I try to defend everything I say because I always feel I'm being attacked - I don't need to do this anymore. If you cannot take me at my word, you obviously don't know me well enough for me to care. Moreover, if someone believes a false statement about me, unless it goes against my moral being, I have to let it slide and know that the statement is false.
- I take everything way to seriously - so, I am learning to relax.
- I over think everything - so, I have to take things at face value and not trying to psychoanalyze everything. When I take things for what they are, I can cause myself less stress.
- People seem to think I'm a drama queen - so, I deleted my Facebook, and I will separate myself from conversations that could lead to drama. While everyone's problems seem to rely on my help, I will only give advise when I know both sides of the story and when asked.
- I'm still a jealous person - so, I must realize that no one is "mine". I can only be with someone if they want to be with me. It should never be a "must" or a "have to" situation. If there is love, it will remain.
- I can't laugh at myself - So, I found someone who can make me realize my errors and downfalls that can make me laugh about them.
- I don't know how to be "single" - So, I will remain single, truly single, at least until I move to Tennessee and have time to really have a great relationship. A relationship must start out as friends for it to work. I won't jump from a man and remain, in the technical term "single" hoping to find what I'm looking for. I must know how to fill my own void so that I can be happy on my own to make a man happy.
- My past has been far less than perfect - So, I will try to make the best out of every outcome whether good or bad.
- I have turned myself into what I hate - so, I will find what about myself that I hate and try to change these things. For example: jealousy, pessimism, doubt, lack of confidence, amazing ability to lie without regard to what the consequences are, defending things that don't need to be defended, recognizing who my friends are and who I can and can't trust, money-loving, fear of not being able to financially make it, etc.
- I wonder what God thinks of me when he looks down on me - So, I will try to live my life, as best I can, in a way that I would be proud to show to God.
I will grow in my faith and everything will fall into place from there.
When you think your life isn't worth living anymore is when you find what is worth living for.
Eleven Regrets - Manic Drive
Put my head up against the wall
I couldn't help but stall
With eleven regrets and one flower
I'm lost and I'm ashamed
Cause all I have to give
Is eleven regrets and one flower
My God what I have become?
A broken man with no second chances
Who am I to say that you're to blame?
I want to be who I say I am
But my actions show that I modestly can't
Have I tuned into what I hate?
CHORUS
Consequences are interesting
When the thorns penetrate
But can't go deep enough to bleed
Oh I wish right now that was the case
What kind of example am I
If I continue this way defiling my life?
What if they knew me like You do?
And I wonder what You think
When You're staring down at me
Is it time to intervene?
CHORUS
And I wonder what You think
When You're staring down at me
Is it time to intervene?
And I wonder what she'll think
When she's staring down at me
Maybe it's time to intervene?
