"We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone.” - Orson Welles“The only real progress lies in learning to be wrong all alone.” - Albert Camus
“I think God leaves me alone to let me find my own strength because no one else can give it to me. Sometimes it is very lonely. But I know the lonely times teach me the most. I must let go in order to let anything in. No one can love me, for me." - Sabrina Ward Harrison
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Alone you will find yourself, alone you will know who you are as a person. You won't have anyone asking or telling you to change, no one will tell you what you can and cannot do. You will find out things the hard way, and really, truly understand them. You won't rush through what you want to make others happy; you won't be who you aren't.
For the longest time I have been who everyone else wants me to be. I have been what someone else told me to be. I make my decisions, but I will change them based on others reactions. I know what I want, but I give it up. I leave opportunities wasted; I falter at every step. I am what I am because of who everyone else has made me. But who am I? God has to lead you to who you are through Him. Jesus would always go on a mountain top to pray ALONE. While man was not made to be alone, it is wise to know yourself so that you can help others find themselves. To know who I am, I can't be "someone elses possession." I have to be my own person here for God. I can't do everything for everyone else and find myself. I can change for you, but only on the surface. If you ask me to be who I'm not, I will; this is my downfall. I can't be who I'm not; it's hypocrisy, it is to lie.
I'm trying to hard to be what everyone in my life wants me to be. I'm everyone elses version of me. I want to be me. So for the remainder of the time that I have in Ohio, I will be spending a lot of it alone in my thoughts, reflecting on this blog, and finally (hopefully) being who I am when I move. Is 64 days really enough time? I hope so.
Think about it this way : I am alone -I won't ask an opinion from anyone, I won't ask for confirmation, I won't put my burdens on others, I won't be who you want me to be - and because I'm alone I can focus on God and what I believe He is telling me, not what you, my friends, or my family tells me to do. I will be my own person, not anyone elses, for the first time in my life. However, because "it's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything," have I really lost everything? I've given up my facebook, some of my downfalls, UD, etc. Do those things count?
I can't say that, for one second, I will truly be alone. People will still call me, I will see my co-workers, I will speak to my family, I will still see my "friends." So because I'm not really alone, I feel like I won't learn as much, but I do that I will learn something. I will learn how to resist what they tell me I should do, I will have to learn how to not justify every action (as I did tonight). I don't want to break, I want to live the way that God has laid out for me, but if I'm listening to everyone elses wants for my life, I won't ever hear what God wants, just what you want.
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"Narrator: When people think you're dying, they really, really listen to you, instead of just...
Marla Singer: - instead of just waiting for their turn to speak?" - Fight Club
"Is losing all hope freedom? Think about it. A man that has nothing to lose is free. You don't depend on anything and nothing depends on you, you are free to be whatever you want to be." - Jack (http://fight-club-quotes.blogspot.com/)
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