Changes...

"Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become." -Unknown

In so many ways life is changing. Family is moving, friends are separating, love is extinguishing, and life seems to be in a blur. Family is moving to Tennessee and West Virginia. Friends are becoming "not so good" friends. Love is no longer something that I think I will ever have. Still, life in general is a mess. For instance, I will be transferring to UTK in Fall 2011. This means that I'll be moving to Tennessee with my mom. I will have no friends, I will be at a new school with new professors and new people. While everyone in Tennessee is very nice, I'm not sure what will happen to the "friends" that I have in Ohio. People that I thought cared, I have learned do not care at all. And while all of this seems like a very negative thing; I feel that it is a change for the good. I hate the person that I am/ the person that I became. This is my chance to start over, to be who I want to/ was meant to be. Still, there are so many things that I will miss about Ohio. For one thing, I'll miss my true friends, Ted especially. I have to move to Tennessee as it is the best option in every way.

In the past two years, I have learned a lot about who I am. Seeing myself change from what I was in high school to what I am in college is not the typical college student change. I changed not so much in the major things like my desire to be the best, my competitive obsession, my resistance to help unless I greatly need it, my straightforwardness, or even my "I must have a 4.0 GPA" goal/ desire. I haven't changed my love for music, action and comedy movies, or my want to help everyone but myself. I have changed in the following ways: I know what it is like to love someone that loves someone else (I have felt a deep pain that I have never experienced before), I know my level of jealously and that I don't need to be quite so jealous, I am able to relax a little more, and I don't need to be "in a relationship" to be nearly whole. I feel like I'm missing a large part of me, I can't be held or hold someone, I see the one that I love holding someone else. I appear to be strong, but I'm not as strong as I appear. There is more to me than meets the eye and no one is willing to reach down, pull me out from between my four walls and get to know me.


How does one become the person they were supposed to be from the beginning? I feel like I'm nearly there, but not quite. Like there is this huge sign that I missed along the way that said "Turn Here". I feel like I'm collapsing under my own weight... I don't know what to do. This feeling of helplessness is not one that is foreign to me, but is foreign that I am sharing it. I'm just glad that no one reads this blog as it has been inactive for so long.


For now, you have read the thoughts on my mind. The thought that my world, as I know it, is changing. I believe it is for the better, but I am not sure. To many in Ohio, they feel that I am running away, when really I would rather stay and be in my "land of the ordinary and familiar" as opposed to the " land of the unknown". Come on, who really wants to be in the land of unknown. So I will leave you with a couple of quotes about changing.

“Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts.” - Arnold Bennett

"Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do." - Benjamin Spock

Make...

Make every decision count,
Make life worth living,
and see the best in people.
Trust them until they give you a reason not to,
then trust them when they gain your trust back.

Make choices you'd be proud of,
don't regret what you do.


All of these things are what I'm trying to live by... it is harder to do then to say.

Eyes Wide Shut, My Darkness - By: Anna Pacella

Eyes Wide Shut

My eyes are wide shut,
open to oblivion,
closed to all else.

My eyes are wide shut,
so many things have punctured my heart,
it's time to release.

My eyes are wide shut,
nothing else matters anymore,
It's now the hour to go and have my relief.

My eyes are wide shut,
closed to all,
open to none.

My eyes wide shut,
To close for comfort,
all else fails.

My Darkness

My darkness has surounded me,
in every direction it comes,
my world is falling apart,
what I thought I knew, I don't,
all I had was lost,
What I thought I was mine, isn't,
all I knew is lost,
together we rise,
together we fall,
but I'm the one that's in the hole,
everything coming around me,
has been a great big blurm
now I see why it's coming
around me like a cage,
the cage has trapped me
in its fine bars,
everything coming around me,
PLEASE, just go away!

Friend of Mine

Friend of Mine - By: Me

All my life,

Friends have come and gone,

I thought I finally found one

that would be hard to find,

My guess was wrong,

and now all I ever see

is her all over him,

He isn't mine and I know that with out a doubt,

But someday he will be,

very, very soon.

what doesn't kill you,

will make you stronger,

maybe the pain inside,

will keep me that much longer.

If ever you find a friend,

you think is true,

make sure you analyze before you find out,

that they turned their back on you.

Numb Feeling

Numb Feeling - By: Me
4-14-06

What doesn't kill you,
will makes you stronger,
maybe the pain inside,
will keep me that much longer,
everyday I see it fit,
to see my one desire,
but everyday it comes and goes,
like a candle that burnt out it fire.

My heart has turned to ash,
broken one to many time.
My stomach turns to knots,
in a twist and in a bind.
My head begins to ache,
to the point of no return.
My eyes begin to glisten,
everything turns into a blur.

This life that had surrounded me,
has taken me on a ride,
though twist, and turns, and corksrews, and into many bind,
I lead the life ahead with many doubts,
but I'm forced to lead it ahead with a smile instead of frowns

My heart has turned to ash,
broken one to many times.
My stomach turns to knots,
in a twist and a bind,
My head begins to ache,
to the point of no return.
My eyes begin to glisten,
everything into a blur.

My life will be just like this,
until the day I die,
but my friends will keep me going,
for the rest of time.

I bored... but nothing else going on, so there is a poem I made. ttyl
Love you all,
Anna

Stacey Charter- Some Good Quotes

" Life is all about timing... the unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable becomes available, the unattainable... attainable. Have patience, wait it out it's all about timing."

"Don't rely on someone else for your happiness and self worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can't love and respect yourself - no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are - completely; the good and the bad - and make changes as YOU see fit - not because you think someone else wants you to be different.”

"Life can be like a roller coaster...And just when you think you've had enough,and your ready to get off the ride and take the calm, easy merry-go round...You change your mind, throw you hands in the air and ride the roller coaster all over again.That's exhilaration...that's living a bit on the edge...that's being ALIVE."

" Life is filled with so many exciting twists and turns. Hop off the straight and narrow whenever you can and take the winding paths. Experience the exhilaration of the view from the edge. Because the moments spent there, that take your breath away, are what make you feel truly alive."

All of these are by Stacey Charter. I think there awesome!

Another random quote and stuff!

"There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout:
This is me damn it! I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love, I am a whole complex package. Take me ... Or leave me, accept me - or walk away! Don't try to make me feel like less of a person, just because I do not fit your idea of who I should be and do not try to change me to fit your mold. If I need to change, I alone will make that decision.
When you are strong enough to love yourself 100%, good and bad, you will be amazed at the opportunities that life presents you "
Stacey Charter.

Random Quotes!

Well there is more about my life on the other one I did today but I like quotes so here yah go!

1. You can't lose what you never had

2. While I thought I was learning how to live. I have really been learning how to die.

3. Tell someone there are 5 billion stars in the sky and he'll believe you, tell him a bench is wet he just has to touch it.

4. I carved your name into the side of a bullet so you knew you were the last thing going through my mind.

5. I do it because I can, I can because I want to, I want to because you said I couldn't.

6. I've been waiting my whole life for this moment, now that I have it, I have no clue what to do with it.

7. Never look behind when your ahead, never give up when your behind.

8. Stop worrying about the world ending today - it's already tomorrow in Australia.

9.Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelliently.

10. Ability is what you're capable of doing, motivation determines what you do, attitude determines how well you do it.

Moon lit

"Well the moon is lit and the night is dim and these words keep going over and over again like a lightning bolt going through my brain and these words keep going over and over again."
By : Me

well nothing really is going on. I'm all alone and bored at my house. William won his tennis match yesterday, and this Friday is a lock in at wetz lane. SPRING BREAK IS FINALLY HERE!!! I'm so bored!!!!! o well. ttyl :) love ya all, anna/brrr :)

Drifting, Fantasy

Drifting-

I'm drifting away into your soul, I'm drifting with an unsure feeling, feelings of heartache, and love, feelings of seduction, and lust, feelings of want, and need, all these feelings so unsure, who knew one man can make all the difference, one lie, can change it all, no lie have yet come, no lies will come, I'm drifting with an unsure feeling, I'm drifting.

fantasy-

You don't know what you do to me, I don't think you really see, no false words would ever come from me, but I think your just my fantasy.

By: Me

In The Dark

Sometimes when I look all I see is darkness, I don't feel, I don't see, I just hear, I hear everyone's words, they all come together, they all make no sense, all words together, all at once, they make no sense. In one ear I hear my friends telling me this and that, they tell me what to do and say, it sometimes works out all right, but in the other ear I hear myself, and what the real me would do, but I cover it up, so no one will see, I put up a wall so on one will see the real me.

- By : Me

A New Start

She lies among a bed of dreams,
In happiness or so it seems.
For its been long since life began,
What doesn't kill you makes you strong
And strength grows wings to fly upon.
She flies on wings so white and pure,
For in her dreams she secure.
Lines of songs and verses in rhyme,
Will heal the wounds of bitter time.
No longer will she lie in sadness,
And put on a smile to hide the madness,
young souls that slip away from tears.
In strength she'll rise above, Heal her wounds and learn to love.

You may not realize it, but it is true!

1.) @ least 2 people in the world love you so much that they would die for you!
2.) @ least 15 people love you in the same way
3.) the only reason anyone would ever hare you is cuz they wanna be you
4.)a smile from you can bring happieness to anyone even if they hate u.
5.) every night someone thinks about you before they go to sleep
6.) you mean the world to someone
7.)if not for you someone would not be living
8.)your special and unique
9.) someone you don't know exists, loves you
10.) when you make the biggest mistake, something good comes out of it!