Day 25 - Live and Learn ( Lessons Revisited)

Lessons:

1. Forgive and Forget - If you hold anything against anyone when you stand before God to pray, God won't forgive you of your sins. If you forgive others, He will forgive you. I feel like I have forgiven the people that have wronged me. I hope the people I have wronged forgive me. I say, however, that I feel like I have because, while I know that I have forgotten a lot of the wrong done, I still remember the feelings that were left behind. I'm reminded of what I have forgotten long ago. It is brought back up in random conversation and feelings begin again. If I bring up a past situation, I truly haven't forgiven them... Thus, what I thought I was doing great on, I really am not.
2. Happiness and Love - Courage > Honesty > Forgiveness > Freedom > Love... Courage is something that I am still lacking. I don't want to face my inner demons, I am "running". Fight or Flight, I guess I have always been taught that flight was the right answer. Fighting just causes drama and heartache, flight causes regret and hatred. Which is better? Honesty is something that is at the forefront of every conversation and act that I do. But is withholding that which doesn't need to be stated dishonesty. One should think before they speak, it even says that in the Bible. But is not saying what is in your mind and heart dishonesty? Forgiveness - see number 1. Freedom is something that is honestly hard to grasp. I feel like I can really only be free if I stop thinking of what I want: what I want to achieve, do, and say. If I can't stop wanting all of this, I am then ruled by, and never free from, what I feel like I want in life. If I always am hanging onto what I feel like I want, desire, or need am I really free from it all? I think that the only way that I can be free is to not focus on my "dot/point" and remember the line. Remember that this world isn't all about my wants and desires, but rather about God and His relationship with His people. Love is something that I will talk about in numbers 5 and 6, so I will leave it for where it belongs.
3. God and the Doctor - Life is something that can always come up with excuses. I can say that homework was due that had to get done. I could say that life happened; I could say that my mind happened. Nothing is an excuse when God knows your heart. You can't justify anything to the one that knows you better than you know yourself. So if I sit here and say that I haven't lived up to my end of the bargain in this because of something else, its a "justification" that I shouldn't be making. So, I will own up to my downfall and say, " I am not doing what I should be doing, I am making excuses to justify my actions to continue my life the way it was. I am comfortable where I am. Comfort, however, was not every promised by God nor safety nor security. So, Why do I reach for that which is never promised? It is human nature to do so, but that is just a justification that everyone excepts for our downfalls.
4. Walls - I still fear my lack of control. I still worry, I still put up road blocks. I still justify everything to myself to make it ok. I still pray "I want what is in your will, as long as that includes..." or "I want you to show me the way you want me to go, just do it directly, don't beat around the bush. None, of that is ok... I still don't want to give up my imaginary control over nothing. to feel like you have some power or say in your life is how you stay sane, or is it how you drive yourself insane?
5. Love Everyone -"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment . He that feareth is not made perfect in love." - 1 John 4:18. I still fear, as I said above, I guess that means that I'm not made perfect in love. What exactly does that mean, not made perfect in love... Is that some sort of code for "you're not good enough" or "you're not loved"? I don't like that thought, but then again, this life isn't about me.
6. Deeper in Love - Of the 16 things that love "is" or "does", I have only felt 2. Both of those 2 come from my parents. This is kind of depressing. If I have never felt love, how do I know what it looks like when I see it. Love is a "feeling" people say. If all it is is a feeling and there is no action on that love then what is it? LUST! Bull Crap, it isn't just a feeling! It is a feeling mixed with action. To show how you feel!!! Sorry, that is my rant for the day.
7. Job - If God told Satan that he could have his way with me except only to spare my life, would I be strong at all. In the face of a gun, I know that I would say "Yes, I believe." A quick and painless death why wouldn't you want to see Him? But if it was through torture, would you deny Him? Would you hang on the cross and still praise His name? I think about my answer to that; it scares me. To face an end that would be "perfect" (i.e death in sleep, in the arms of the person you love, gun) would be an small price to pay to see His face. But torture, the torture that we put others through everyday, the torture that can cause those who we love to curse our name, I'm not sure what I would do. Would I deny Him three times? I would hope not, but to reflect on that, not just out right answer it, but to really feel the pain that you would experience, what would you do?
8. To See - I can say that I have this one down! I know that God is everywhere. He sees and knows everything. He is in my mistakes to teach me a lesson. He leads me down the "wrong" path to give me the strength and the knowledge that He is and always will be the "right" path. I say wrong in the sense of telling a lie, or dating the wrong guy, NOT as in evil.
9. Justifying A Lie - I think I have said the word "justify" enough so far just to be honest. That should pretty much tell you where I am with this one.
10. Give up Control To Him - The song at the end of this post is for this day.
11. Faith - Yet again with giving up control to God. Giving Him back what He gave you. A lot of my lessons come together in the end.
12. Alone - I'm not doing very well at being alone. A lot of people come into your life at a time when you feel like you should be alone. This is one of two things: God telling me not to be alone, or God testing me to ensure I'm on the right track... Ah the paradox's in my life and mind.
13. Knock - I keep asking for things I want and need not just things that I need. I seek those things, whichever they are, but it doesn't mean that I'll get it my time. I will only get what He wants to give me in His time.
14. Plans - I'm preparing in a way that you could just call it planing. I will say this, I don't have every second planned anymore. I'm more up for spontaneous calls and happenings than something that is planned for three weeks from now.
15. Who Am I - I still see what I have about myself in others. Do you realize how hard it is to ignore others and focus on yourself in the aspect of finding what you do or don't like. I can say I don't like this or that about you but it all comes back to me. Judgment calls come from a justification that it is right to judge. Again with justification.
16. Temple - I still hate stupidity, but I am trying to remind myself to be a better person that I would want to know. I don't want to not want to be around me. Nevertheless, my body being a temple is something that I'm definitely still grasping (especially with food).
17. The Gospel of John and Proverbs -Wisdom is , at the beginning, the fear of God. The fear of God is to hate evil, pride, arrogance, the "evil way," and a froward mouth. To trust in His goodness, that He not only will be there in the good, but that the bad comes for the goodness of something also. So, do I hate all of those things? Yup. Do I do any of those things, probably more than I realize. Do I recognize that God is in everything, good and bad? Yup. I guess I'm half way there.
18. Sent, Defined, & Humbled - I realize the sent and defined, but I need to remember that when a compliment comes to me, it isn't my compliment but God's. When I do something good, it is only by the grace of God that I was able to do that; it was not something that I did, but God.
19. Run - As I said above, I still run  when being forthcoming is "hard". So, I guess that "running" is the only thing I know. This is something that only I can fix about myself.
20. Live and Learn - This was more of a synopsis, not a lesson.
21. Noble Woman - I still feel like I'm always half of everything. Half wise, half noble, half love, half way there. There is no middle ground, but there is. I want to be this woman, but most of the things on the list of a noble woman has to do with a family. I don't have a "family" with kids. I have parents, that is all I have, so I can't do most of this as I sit.
22. Words to Live By - To be kind anyway, to live as if you want to know yourself, to be a friend without expecting anything in return. This is something to strive for in life. I'm still striving.
23. Time - As I stated above, I feel like I'm still living for the "dot/point" and not the line. I must focus on the line, the life that isn't mine.
24. Weakness and Strength - Strongest when you feel your weakest. God can and will bring you through anything. I just have to trust it all to Him.
25. Live and Learn (Lessons Revisited) - The following song, as stated above, will show my feeling of letting it all go.

"Waiting For The End" - Linkin Park

[Mike:]
This is not the end, this is not the beginning
Just a voice like a riot rocking every revision
But you listen to the tone and the violent rhythm
Though the words sound steady something empty's within them
We say yeah with fists flying up in the air
Like we're holding onto something that's invisible there
Cause we're living at the mercy of the pain and the fear
Until we dead it, forget it, let it all disappear

[Chester:]
Waiting for the end to come
Wishing I had strength to stand
This is not what I had planned
It's out of my control
Flying at the speed of light
Thoughts were spinning in my head
So many things were left unsaid
It's hard to let you go

I know what it takes to move on
I know how it feels to lie
All I want to do
Is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven't got

Sitting in an empty room
Trying to forget the past
This was never meant to last
I wish it wasn't so

I know what it takes to move on
I know how it feels to lie
All I want to do
Is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven't got

[Mike:]
What was left when that fire was gone
I thought it felt right but that right was wrong
All caught up in the eye of the storm
And trying to figure out what it's like moving on
And I don't even know what kind of things I said
My mouth kept moving and my mind went dead
So I'm picking up the pieces, now where to begin
The hardest part of ending is starting again

[Chester(till end):]
All I want to do
Is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven't got
I'm holding on to what I haven't got
I'm holding on to what I haven't got

[Mike:]
This is not the end, this is not the beginning
Just a voice like a riot rocking every revision
But you listen to the tone and the violent rhythm
Though the words sound steady something empty's within them
We say yeah with fists flying up in the air
Like we're holding onto something that's invisible there
Cause we're living at the mercy of the pain and the fear
Until we dead it, forget it let it all disappear 

Lesson 24 - Weakness and Stength

"...For when I am weak, then am I strong." - 2 Corinthians 12:10

The human body is weak; the human mind is weak; the human heart is weak. Yet, when something that requires super human strength is put in our path, humans can have super human strength. So many times in life I feel like I'm falling apart; I feel like I'm losing everything I had to live for. This is when I reach to God. When nothing is going right, I turn to Him. I remind myself that I may not have the strength alone, but anything is possible through God. I remember that there is a reason for every downfall, every problem, ever trial. When I remember that, I can praise Him. We are strong in Him; we should be joyful in our tribulations, and we should have patience while going through said tribulations. When everything is falling down around us, this is the time to thank God. Whatever the problem, it is a blessing in disguise. Whether it is to a blessing to get you out of a bad relationship, meet a future love, remind you that you don't know everything, or just to help you understand that He will always be there. Just because we are weak, doesn't mean WE are weak. When I am weak, I am strong. When I feel like I can't make it, I turn to Him and I make it through. Nothing worth anything in life is easy. He never said He would make it easier, just do-able.

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2 Corinthians 12:10 - Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

2 Corinthians 13: 4-6 - For though he was crucified through weakness, yet he liveth by the power of God. For we also are weak in him, but we shall live with him by the power of God toward you. Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves. Know ye not your own selves, how that Jesus Christ is in you, except ye be reprobates? But I trust that ye shall know that we are not reprobates.

 2 Corinthians 7:4 - Great is my boldness of speech toward you, great is my glorying of you: I am filled with comfort, I am exceeding joyful in all our tribulation.

 Romans 5: 3-8 - And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; 4 And patience, experience; and experience, hope: 5 And hope maketh not ashamed ; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us. 6 For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. 7 For scarcely for a righteous man will one die : yet peradventure for a good man some would even dare to die . 8 But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners,Christ died for us.

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"Praise You In This Storm" - Casting Crowns

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

[Chorus:]
And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

[Chorus]

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

[Chorus x2] 

"Fear" - Casting Crowns

Oh, what I would do
To have the kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown
Where Jesus is,
And He's holding out His hand

But the waves are calling out my name
And they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again
"Boy, you'll never win,
You'll never win,
You'll never win."

Oh, what I would do to have
the kind of strength it takes
To stand before a giant
With just a sling and stone
Surrounded by the sound
Of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armour
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out
My name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again
"Boy, you'll never win,
You'll never win,
You'll never win."

But the stone was just the right size
To take the giant down
And the waves don't seem so high
When I'm standing on top of them looking down
And I'd soar with the wings of eagles
If I could just ignore the sound
Of the waves and the giants,
The waves and the giants in my mind

Lord, you've not given me a spirit of fear
But of power and of love,
And of a sound mind
So from now on,
I won't let the tempter's lies
Turn my eyes away from the prize
That you have set before me,
That you have set before me.

Lesson 23 - Time

4 "Show me, O LORD, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life. 5 You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Each man's life is but a breath. "Selah"(Psalm 39:4-5, NIV)

 In today's world, all we do is rush. Rush to work, rush to class, rush to a meeting, rush to workout, rush to go to church, rush to leave, rush to eat. We don't slow down, we don't stop to think. I rush thinking that I am making my life "time well spent". I feel that if I read the Bible, go to church, and pray I am making it easier for me to get to Heaven. When I study ahead I feel like I will get higher grades to get a better job with more money and have a better life. As the pastor at church today said, this is a but a point on a line of eternity. What is a point in comparison to a line though? Well, the definitions are as follows:

Line: A geometrical object that is straight, infinitely long and infinitely thin. Its location is defined by two or more points on the line whose coordinates are known. (LINK)

Point: A precise location or place on a plane. Usually represented by a dot. (LINK)

 So, if a line goes on forever, and we can't see or understand forever, then our lives are nothing, right? Wrong. Even if we cannot "fathom" what eternity is, we are still meant to live in a way that we are thinking about eternity. To live for the relationship we have with God, not to live for a ticket to Heaven. If we live for the relationship we have with Him instead of rushing through life trying to get what we feel is important done, our lives would be so much better. Picture this:

You wake up in the morning feeling groggy from the lack of sleep you got the night before because of you ________(Insert your reason here). You do your normal daily routine and leave for the day. You get stuck in traffic and are yelling because the only reason people are slowing down is to gawk at a motorist who had a flat tire. You then proceed to gawk yourself. After your commute, you get to _____(insert place you needed to be first). Your day goes by slow as you watch the clock tick down until it is time to go to destination 2,3,4,etc. Once the monotony of life is complete you spend the next couple of hours at home looking at Facebook, watching t.v, or ____(insert other random task). Once this has bored you, you find a reason to get out of the house. You then go to/do ______(insert reason to leave house). You get tired of this as well, or you get so drunk you can't stand it and return to your home. You do your nightly routine and prepare to do it all over again tomorrow. However, you can't sleep because you have to much on your mind. You get frustrated about the life that you wish you could have, but you know you can't attain.

Does this sound familiar, I know it does for me. But what if it went like this instead.

You wake up in the morning feeling refreshed from the relaxing sleep you got the night before because of you went to bed at a decent hour. You do your normal daily routine and praise God for the day that He has blessed you with, pray, and leave for the day. You get stuck in traffic and, because you left a bit early this morning because you had a great night sleep, you find that a fellow motorist has a flat tire. You then proceed pull over and help the fellow motorist change their tire and continue on with your day. After your commute, you get to _____(insert place you needed to be first). Your day goes by quickly as you work diligently until it is time to go to destination 2,3,4,etc. Once normal day has passed, your spend the next couple of hours reading God's word and praying intimately with Him. Once you have finished your study in God's word, you feel an urge to get out of the house. You then begin to reflect on your study of the Bible from earlier and begin to tell others about what you have learned. If they don't want to hear it, you simply show that you aren't going to push them and just have a relaxing conversation about the weather and the beauty of nature.You return home after your outing and decide to pray for the person that you just spoke with. You do your nightly routine and fall asleep peacefully.The next day, on your way to your first destination, you get a flat tire. However, low and behold, the person that you spoke with last night and the person you prayed for comes up to help you. They tell you that they thought about what you said about God and looked some of the passages up online. They were really touched by your respect to not push an issue and your conversation. They said they would love to talk to you about God sometime over coffee and you exchange numbers. You proceed on with your day once your tire is fixed and you spend the rest of the day praising God that He could use you to let someone else know Him.


Which one sounds like a better life? I think the second one does. If you understand that your life is but a breathe, a point on a line of eternity, then you will understand that what you have planned for your life to "climb the ladder" will only happen if God wants to uses your relationship with Him to help another that can only be touched if you do so. This life isn't about us, it is about God. Heaven isn't about us, it is about God. Love isn't about us, it is about others and God. Nothing should be about self... Rushing is only about self... We shouldn't rush, it will only kill you faster.
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11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. (Ecclesiates 3:11, NIV)

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 "I'm In A Hurry (And I Don't Know Why)" - Alabama

 I'm in a hurry to get things done
Oh I rush and rush until life's no fun
All I really gotta do is live and die
But I'm in a hurry and don't know why

Don't know why I have to drive so fast
My car has nothing to prove
It's not new
But it'll do zero to sixty in five point two

I'm in a hurry to get things done
Oh I rush and rush until life's no fun
All I really gotta do is live and die
But I'm in a hurry and don't know why

Can't be late, I leave in plenty of time
Shakin' hands with the clock
I can't stop
I'm on a roll and I'm ready to rock

I'm in a hurry to get things done
Oh I rush and rush until life's no fun
All I really gotta do is live and die
But I'm in a hurry and don't know why

Oh, I hear a voice
That says I'm running behind
Better pick up my pace
It's a race and there ain't no room for someone in second place

I'm in a hurry to get things done
Oh I rush and rush until life's no fun
All I really gotta do is live and die
But I'm in a hurry and don't know why

Lesson 22 - Words to Live By

The Paradoxical Commandments (the whole poem)

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered.
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you.
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building someone could destroy overnight.
Build anyway.
And if you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous,
Be happy anyway
The good you do today people will often forget tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have; it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you have anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God,
It was never between you and them anyway.
© Copyright Kent M. Keith 1968, renewed 2001

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My Creed - Edgar A. Guest

To live as gently as I can;
To be, no matter where, a man;
To take what comes of good or ill
And cling to faith and honor still; To do my best, and let that stand
The record of my brain and hand;
And then, should failure come to me
Still work and hope for victory.

To have no secret place wherein
I stoop unseen to shame or sin;
To be the same when I'm alone
As when my every deed is known;
To live undaunted, unafraid Of any step that I have made;
To be without pretense or shame,
Exactly what men think I am.

To leave some simple mark behind,
To keep my having lived in mind;
If enmity to aught I show,
To be an honest, generous foe,
To play my little part, nor whine That greater honors are not mine. This, I believe, is all I need
For my philosophy and creed.

Be a Friend - Edgar A. Guest

Be a friend. You don't need money: Just a disposition sunny;
Just the wish to help another Get along some way or other;
Just a kindly hand extended
Out to one who’s unbefriended;
Just the will to give or lend,
This will make you someone’s friend.

Be a friend. You don't need glory.
Friendship is a simple story.
Pass by trifling errors blindly,
Gaze on honest effort kindly,
Cheer the youth who’s bravely trying,
Pity him who’s sadly sighing;
Just a little labor spend
On the duties of a friend.

Be a friend. The pay is bigger
(Though not written by a figure)
Than is earned by people clever
In what’s merely self-endeavor.
You'Il have friends instead of neighbors
For the profits of your labors;
You'Il be richer in the end
Than a prince, if you're a friend.
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      These words speak for themselves. There is no interpretation necassary. Just to remember these words will improve my life. This, much like giving up control, is somthing that will be difficult to do. To uphold that what you think is right, to stand up for what you believe in, to never wavier based on someone elses wants or desires, to always be true to who you are no matter what the prices: these are the things that I want to be able to say I've done in my life.

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Myself - Edgar A. Guest

I have to live with myself and so
I want to be fit for myself to know.
I want to be able as days go by,
always to look myself straight in the eye;
I don't want to stand with the setting sun
and hate myself for the things I have done.I don't want to keep on a closet shelf
a lot of secrets about myself
and fool myself as I come and go
into thinking no one else will ever know
the kind of person I really am,
I don't want to dress up myself in shame.
I want to go out with my head erect
I want to deserve all men's respect;
but here in the struggle for fame and wealth
I want to be able to like myself.
I don't want to look at myself and know that
I am bluster and bluff and empty show.
I never can hide myself from me;I see what others may never see;
I know what others may never know,
I never can fool myself and so,
whatever happens I want to be
self respecting and conscience free.

Lesson 21 - Noble Woman

 A noble woman takes care of her family. She works eagerly, considers financial decisions, is loving to everyone, ensures the bills are paid, has strength and dignity, fears the Lord, and gives instructions out of wisdom and faith. Am I this kind of woman? I work eagerly, but not with clothes. I do consider financial decisions, I make sure that all the bills are paid, I try to give instruction out of wisdom, I am trying to love everyone, I am working out at the gym again, I try to retain the dignity that I have, I fear the Lord. So, I'm partially a noble woman. Then I'm not a noble woman at all. I don't know how to sew, I don't know how to do a lot of things. I know how to clean and be a business woman. I know how not to handle money and how to handle it. I know a lot of things, but there is much that I don't know. So, what do I do? I continue in the lessons that I have already written in February and try to work harder at being what I want to be; not what you want me to be.

10 A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. 11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. 12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. 13 She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. 14 She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. 15 She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. 16 She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. 17 She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. 18 She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. 19 In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. 20 She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. 21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. 22 She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. 23 Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. 24, She makes linen garments and sells them and supplies the merchants with sashes. 25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. 26 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. 27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. 28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 29 "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." 30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. 31 Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. (Proverbs 31: 10-31).

Lesson 20 - Live and Learn

Forgive and Forget -

Like I said before, this one has gotten a lot easier. I'm really understanding this and taking it to heart.

Happiness and Love -

Courage > Honesty > Forgiveness > Freedom > Love... This I coming along. Honesty, check; forgiveness, check; freedom, not so much; Love, working on loving everyone; courage, still needs work.

God and The Doctor-

I'm still having problems with this. I'm doing better, but I still find that I don't have as great of a prayer life as I should. I won't blame it one time constraint because I could be praying now instead of writing this. It is my own error and I must work harder to fix it. 

Walls-

I am breaking my own barriers and becoming more open, but not more trusting.

Love Everyone -

I'm working, but I haven't been doing that well at all. I still make judgment calls where none should be made. I'm still doing so many things wrong with this.

Deeper in Love-

1. Love never gives up,
2. cares more for others than for self,
3. doesn't want what it doesn't have,
4. doesn't strut,
5. doesn't have a swelled head,
6. doesn't force itself on others,
7. isn't always "me first,"
8. doesn't fly off the handle,
9. doesn't keep score,
10. doesn't revel when others grovel,
11. takes pleasure in the truth,
12. puts up with anything,
13. trusts God always,
14. always looks for the best,
15. never looks back,
16. it never dies.

Looking at this list again, I really can say that I have never found all of these things. I am truly looking for this type of love.

Job -

I know this one, it is tough in difficult times to remember that the negative has a purpose too, but I have a grasp on this.

To See -

I know I'm not God. I don't know it all. 

Justifying a Lie -

I catch myself justifying everything still. Not necessarily a lie, but I continue to justify.

The Change Must Begin -   Faith -

Still working on control; this is so hard.

Alone-

I continue to be consumed by the drama that is college. I really need to separate myself from this; separate myself from the lies.

Knock-

If I need something I will ask. For instance, I'm asking for patience, peace, and rest.

Plans -

 I'm not planning as much this week. I'm writing down when assignments are due and what needs to be done, God willing. But other than that, I've made two random appearances at the gym this week. This is something I miss and haven't done in three months.

Who I am-

I still maintain my view that all of the theories are good in their own time. I wouldn't be one to only be utilitarian or follow Kant, but I like all of them in their due time. I am still what I don't want to be; this I will continue to work on.

Temple-

Today was not my best day in the world. I slipped a lot from where I was. I can make a lot of excuses but I will save those for someone who cares and admit my fault.

John and Proverbs-

Yeah, still trying to be like a wise man. Like I said, this week has not been that great so far.

Sent, Defined, and Humbled-


 I realize my mission, but I failed, in my opinion today.



Run -


I not trying to run so much as I'm trying to calm down and relax.




Sorry this is so short. I have so much homework that I'm going crazy.

Lesson 19 - Run

 "You can't run away from trouble. There ain't no place that far." - Uncle Remus

        So many times in life I run. I run from the unfamiliar, guilt, displeasure, helplessness, hope, fear, family, friends, shame, blame, and God. I run because I feel that it's easier; I feel that it's quicker. To just run from that which I don't want is easier, in my opinion, then facing my problems and dealing with it. Many people tell you lies to your face until they can come up with something better. Others try to avoid sticky situations in general. Still, others try to find trouble and conflict. I can honestly say that I can be all of these things. I can try to cause conflict so that I can "fix" it and feel useful. I can try to avoid it so that I don't end up hurt or hurting someone else. I have lied so that I can postpone any consequences during a hard time that I don't want to deal with my problem. However, they always come back. They get stronger, angrier, less forgiving as time passes. Because you cannot run from your troubles, is it really "easier to run"? You can never run from your troubles, they will always be worse the second time around; thus, one should face their troubles as they come. No matter how hard the problem is, no matter how inopportune the timing is, no matter the consequences one should face their demons. When you face something, it can go away. If the unfamiliar remains that way, you will never know the opportunities that you pass by. If guilt or shame remain in you, you will never be in peace. If you always have displeasure, you will never be happy. If you are always hopeless, you will never have hope. If you run from God, He will search for you just as He searched for Adam in the Garden of Eden after Adam hide because of his nakedness (Genesis). Just as He found Jonah running from Him and made the seas treacherous for the men on the ship. They cast Jonah overboard and God took Jonah to where He wanted him (Jonah). No matter how far you run from your life, you will always have the problems you always had until you face them. Someone else cannot fix your problems for you; you must do it yourself. Take responsibility for that which you have done as I must do. I have always admitted my faults, I know I have many, but I still run.

       Some people might say that me moving to Tennessee after this semester at UD is me running from life. I would say that I have faced the demons that I have brought upon myself in Ohio. I am becoming who I was meant to be. There is a reason for everything in this life. I feel like Tennessee would be a great restart, but I don't feel like I'm running from anything. That used to be one reason why I wanted to go, but I have faced the demon that made me want to run. I am freer now then I have ever been. I had to learn a lesson, I have learned that lesson quite well. Going to a new school, a new state, a new job can give me a fresh start so that the preconceived notions that others have about me can be destroyed and I can be the person I want to be, the person I was meant to be, in Tennessee.

"Easier To Run" - Linkin Park

It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

Something has been taken from deep inside of me
The secret I've kept locked away no one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show they never go away
Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played

(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(If I could take all the shame to the grave I would)
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(I would take all my shame to the grave)

[Chorus]
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have
Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back
And never moving forward so there'd never be a past

(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(If I could take all the shame to the grave I would)
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(I would take all my shame to the grave)

Just washing it aside
All of the helplessness inside
Pretending I don't feel misplaced
It's so much simpler than change

[Chorus]
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

It's easier to run
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made)
It's easier to go
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(I would take all my shame to the grave)

Lesson 18 - Sent, Defined, and Humbled.

6 There came a man who was sent from God; his name was John. 7 He came as a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him all men might believe. 8 He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness to the light. 9 The true light that gives light to every man was coming into the world. 10 He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. (John 1: 6-10)

What is our purpose on the Earth?I know this is something that I have often wondered. After listening to one of Rob Turner's sermons about John 1: 6-13 it became clear. First, in regards to John the Baptist, God sent him to this Earth. When we find the true light that is God we can't help but spread the word and the happiness that we have encountered. We want to share God with the world. Because of this we are "sent" from God, just as John the Baptist was, to be "a witness to testify concerning that light [God], so that through him all men might believe." Second, we are defined in terms that we are witnesses that were sent to witness based on the verse 7. Third, we are humbled in the fact that, in verse 8, even John the Baptist knows that he is not the light but that God is. We, then, need to remember that we are not the light of this world and it does not revolve around us, but rather around Him.

So, our mission, our purpose in life, is to be a witness of God sent from God to witness to others and to remember that it is not us that we are witnessing of, but we are witnessing of God. We are to remember that this world isn't about us, but about Him. This is our purpose: our mission.

Lesson 17 - The Gospel According to John & Proverbs

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. The Same was in the beginning with God. All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life; and the life was the light of men. And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not. (John 1:1-5)

God was the beginning of the world. God was before the beginning of the world. He is the Alpha. The Word was "with" God, or in a face-to-face relationship with God; Jesus is one with God. God was the Word; Jesus and God are one. God is the great I AM.

"The Lord by wisdom hath founded the earth; by understanding hath he established the heavens" (Proverbs 3:19). "The Lord possessed me [wisdom] in the beginning of his way, before his works of old. I was set up from everlasting, from the beginning, or ever the earth was. When there were no depths, I was brought forth; when there were no fountains abounding with water. Before the mountains were settled, before the hills was I brought forth: While as yet he had not made the earth, nor the fields, nor the highest part of the dust of the world. When he established the clouds above; when he strengthened the fountain of the deep. When he gave to the sea his decree, that the waters should not pass his commandment; when he appointed the foundations of the earth; Then I was by him, as one brought up with him: and I was daily his delight, rejoicing always before him. Rejoicing in the habitable part of his earth; and my delights were with the sons of men" (Proverbs 8: 22-31).

 God had wisdom in the beginning that He brought with him to create the earth. We should strive not of earthly wisdom but of Wisdom from the Lord. What's the difference you ask? The difference is that earthly wisdom is like "street-smarts." You recognize the ways of others and you can beat them at their own game. You recognize a liar, a coward, a bully when you see them. Wisdom from the Lord, however, is many things. I can't even begin to explain what it is to be honest. Those who are wise fear the Lord or "to hate evil: pride, and arrogancy, and the evil way, and the froward mouth, do I hate" (Proverbs 8:13). Wisdom is understanding, truth, knowledge, prudence, accepting of instruction, to not ramble or gloat. "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the holy is understanding" (Proverbs 9:10).

Because God is the beginning, he knew everything that was to be; He knew we were to be born when He created this world. When He created this world, He knew that Adam and Eve would sin just as He knew that He would be betrayed. This is why we can say that Jesus died for ALL of our sins, because God knew us when He created the earth. He knew that Jesus (God in the flesh) would have to endure what we run from. Jesus chose to endure the pain, the lashings, the beating, the scorning, the humiliation, the crucifixion, tears, the absence of family, misunderstanding, the betrayal sealed with a kiss. He lived through every negative things that we could live through so that all was forgiven. He lets me experience the negative in the world so that I can see His goodness because without evil in the world, how would we see the good that He brings. We have to experience storms in our lives to believe that He exists. We just have to remember that to trust in His goodness, we have to recognize that when something negative happens in our life, that is apart of His plan to bring us either closer to Him or to gain knowledge and wisdom that He will provide for us if only we believe and have complete faith in Him.

A website that has a cool list of tips to live life

http://www.highexistence.com/life-secrets-and-tips/

The Itunes podcast of Apex Church's sermons

http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/resources-forms-apex-community/id79423587

The Wise Man According to Proverbs: An Outline

• His Character
  • He Is Teachable, Not Intractable
    1. He receives and loves instruction (18:15; 19:20)
    2. He grows in wisdom (1:5; 9:9; 10:14)
  • He Is Righteous, Not Wicked
    1. He fears the Lord (1:7; 14:16; see below under relationship to the Lord)
    2. He hates what is false (13:5)
    3. He shuns evil (3:7; 14:16; 16:6)
    4. He does what is righteous (2:20)
    5. He speaks the truth (22:21)
  • He Is Humble, Not Proud (15:33)
  • He Is Self-controlled, Not Rash
    1. His temperament
       1. He is self-controlled (29:11)
       2. He has a calm spirit (17:27)
       3. He is slow to become angry (29:8,11)
    2. 2. His actions
       1. He is cautious, not hasty (19:2)
       2. He thinks before he acts (13:16; 14:8)
       3. He thinks before he speaks (12:23; 15:2)
  • He Is Forgiving, Not Vindictive
    1. He is patient (19:11)
    2. He is concerned about goodwill/peace (14:9)
    3. He forgives those who wrong him (10:12; 17:9)
    4. He is not vindictive (20:22; 24:29)
• His Relationships
  • To the Lord
    1. He fears the Lord (9:10; 14:16; 15:33)
    2. He trusts in the Lord (3:5; 16:3,20)
    3. He is ever mindful of the Lord (3:6)
    4. He chooses the Lord's way/wisdom (8:10-11; 17:24)
    5. He submits to the Lord's discipline (1:2-3; 3:11)
    6. He confesses his sin (28:13)
  • To His Family
    1. To his parents
       1. Respects them (17:6; contrast 30:17)
       2. Listens to them (23:22; cf. 1:8; 4:1)
       3. Seeks to bring them honor and joy
          1. By being wise (10:1; 15:20; 29:3)
          2. By being righteous (23:24)
          3. By being diligent (10:5)
    2. To his wife
       1. He appreciates her
          1. As a gift from the Lord (18:22; 19:14)
          2. As his crowning glory (12:4; 31:10-31)
       2. He praises her (31:28)
       3. He trusts her (31:11)
       4. He is faithful to her (5:15-20)
    3. To his children
       1. He loves them (3:12; 13:24)
       2. He is concerned about them (1:8-9:18)
       3. He trains them (22:6)
          1. Reasons for training them
             1. Own peace of mind and joy (29:17)
             2. Child's honor and well-being (1:8-9; 4:9; 19:18; 23:13-14)
          2. By teaching/instructing them (1:10; chs. 5-7; 28:7; cf. 4:1-9)
          3. By disciplining them
             1. By verbal correction (13:1)
             2. By physical discipline (13:24; 23:13-14)
       4. He provides for their
          1. Physical needs (21:20; cf. 27:23-27)
          2. Spiritual heritage (14:26; 20:7)
  • To His Friends and Neighbors
    1. To his friends
       1. He values them (27:10)
       2. He is constant to them (17:17; 18:24)
       3. He gives them counsel (27:9,17; cf. 27:6; 28:23)
    2. To his neighbors
       1. He fulfills his obligations (3:27-28)
       2. He strives for peace (3:29-30)
       3. He does not outstay his welcome (25:17)
       4. He does not deceive or mislead them (16:29; 26:18-19)
• His Words
  • The Power of His Words
    1. Their power
       1. The power of life and death (12:6; 13:14; 15:4; 18:21)
       2. The power to heal or to wound (11:9,11; 12:18; 15:4,30; 16:24)
    2. Their limitation
       1. No substitute for deeds (14:23)
       2. Cannot alter the facts (26:23-26)
       3. Cannot compel response (29:19)
  • The Character of His Words
    1. They are honest, not false (12:22; 16:13)
    2. They are few, not many (10:19)
       1. Not boastful (27:2)
       2. Not argumentative (17:14)
       3. Not contentious (29:9)
       4. Not a gossip
          1. Revealing secrets (11:13; 20:19)
          2. Spreading slander (10:18; 26:20-22)
    3. They are calm, not emotional
       1. Rational (15:28; 17:27)
       2. Gentle and peaceable (15:1,18)
       3. Yet persuasive (25:15)
    4. They are apt, not untimely (15:23; 25:11)
  • The Source of His Words
    1. His heart/character (compare 4:23 with Mt 12:33-35)
       1. Positively, he is righteous (cf. 10:11; 13:14)
       2. Negatively, he is not
          1. Proud (13:10; cf. 6:16-19)
          2. Hateful (26:24,28)
    2. His companions (13:20; 27:17)
    3. Reflections (15:28)

Lesson 16 - Temple

“Don't seek God in temples. He is close to you. He is within you. Only you should surrender to Him and you will rise above happiness and unhappiness.” - Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy

We are God's Temple, in order to bring others to Him, we have to bring them closer into our lives. We have to be completely open and honest with who we are so as to help another find themselves through Him. When we open up to another, we are really showing love to another person. When others see love in us, when they see that we "behold the Lamb of God" and adore Him in a way that others want to behold Him in the same way, we are truly becoming a disciple of God; we are becoming what God wanted us to be. We are here to bring others to Him, but if we live in a way that others see no difference between us and the world, then why would they believe. I see in myself what the world has told me to be; what I don't want to be. So, I must understand that I am God's temple, just as you are. If everyone is God's temple, then why wouldn't I love them? I can say this, I love everyone, I just do not love their actions. Because I love God, I must love everyone who God inhabits. Even God doesn't like some of our actions, so in that frame of mind, I can still hate stupidity, but I still must love the person themselves.  I think I finally understand how Jesus and God love everyone, He loves them as a person, not their actions. I can definitely love a person and not their actions, that makes lesson 2, 5, and 6 must more realistic and achievable. Still difficult, but achievable. I still must work on giving up my illusion of control and patience... I'm trying, but I keep over analyzing everything and getting frustrated easily. Nevertheless, love will get me there.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
16 Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you? 17 If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him; for God's temple is sacred, and you are that temple. 18 Do not deceive yourselves. If any one of you thinks he is wise by the standards of this age, he should become a "fool" so that he may become wise. 19 For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God's sight. As it is written: "He catches the wise in their craftiness"; 20 and again, "The Lord knows that the thoughts of the wise are futile." 21 So then, no more boasting about men! All things are yours, 22 whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas or the world or life or death or the present or the future--all are yours, 23 and you are of Christ, and Christ is of God (1 Corinthians 3:16-23).

Day 15 - Live and Learn (Who I am)

"The fire you kindle for your enemy often burns yourself more than them." - Chinese Proverb

When I look at those people around me that I'm trying to "love" but am having trouble doing so, I see in them what I don't like about myself. We normally don't like others due to something that we find irritating about them, ironically enough, that thing that we don't like but can't put our finger on, is something we want to change about ourselves but are settle with what we know. I find that, when I look at others, I don't like certain character traits of certain people. For instance, I don't like when I see others jumping to conclusions, getting impatient, wanting to fight, procrastinating, sitting at work on the internet playing a game, others skipping class, etc. I don't like those things because of the following reasons.

• I jump to conclusions and I have found that they are normally incorrect - so you shouldn't do it. 
• I get impatient with people, not things - don't get frustrated at your computer because it has to think harder than you can. 
• You shouldn't want to fight! All it does is cause blood to be drawn that didn't need to be. 
• I can't procrastinate, you shouldn't be able to either. 
• I can't play a game because I'm picking up your slack, do your work! 
• If you don't want to go to class, get out of college. 

I can't stand stupidity, yet that is all I'm surrounded by. People playing mind games to get their way when all they have to do is simply ask for what they really want. Yet, as I say that the things I hate are apart of me, I also play mind games when it would benefit me personally. That make me a hypocrite, and thus something that God doesn't like. This thought process made me think about "ethics." There are multiple theories of ethical behavior - what one ought to do. Which one am I? Which one are you?

1. Utilitarianism (John Stuart Mill / Jeremy Bentham) - One is only obligated to do that which maximize the happiness of the whole. (Teontological/ Consequentialism/ Hedonism)
2. Categorical Imperative (Immanuel Kant) - "Act only according to that maxim whereby you can, at the same time, will that it should become a universal law." (Deontological)
1. The first premise is that a person acts morally if his or her conduct would, without condition, be the "right" conduct for any person in similar circumstances (the "First Maxim").
2. The second premise is that conduct is "right" if it treats others as ends in themselves and not as means to an end (the "Second Maxim").
3. The conclusion is that a person acts morally when he or she acts as if his or her conduct was establishing a universal law governing others in similar circumstances (the "Third Maxim").
3. Divine Command Theory - God’s commands are the source of ethics, that God is a moral authority and we ought always to obey his commands, irrespective of the consequences of doing so.
4. Agapism - deontological system of ethics consisting of one simple command: in every situation, do the loving thing, whatever that may be.
5. Virtue Ethics - ethics is primarily about agents, not actions. Being good is thus seen as primarily a matter of character rather than of deeds. Virtues always fall between two extremes, vices of excess and deficiency.
6. So Many More!!!!

 Well, in my opinion, they are all right! Utilitarianism is right because we should try to maximize happiness; however it is incorrect because, no matter how much happiness, or lack of pain, it brings, we should never kill an innocent person. The Categorical Imperative is right in that we should think of, before we act, how it would appear to you if another person acted in the same way in the same situation; how would you view them? The Divine Command Theory is, in my opinion, something that very much happened in the 1 century B.C and during the time of Jesus; still, we should obey the laws that he laid out for us in the Bible. Nevertheless, I don't think that you will see a burning bush if you walk outside right now. Agapism is a very GOOD thought in that this is what I'm trying to accomplish - to love everyone and to act lovingly toward them. Virtue Ethics is a very real thought as well in that people are normally cowards or brave, patient or impatient, prudent or careless, etc. Most people are to one extreme or the other. So, I'm one jumbled ethical theory, I'm what I don't like, I have many flaws, I can't understand a lot of things that I should be understanding, I like to be the center of attention, I don't like others who like to be the center of attention because I want it. I must change. I have to figure out what action will enable me to take the step. Talk is only talk, I must walk the walk. I must overcome my comforts, my expectations, my mindset. I must do what Rene Descartes did and reject all that I know, rethink what I know - Tabula Rasa.

"Who I Am" - Jessica Andrews

If I live to be a hundred
And never see the seven wonders
That'll be alright
If I don't make it to the big leagues
If I never win a Grammy
I'm gonna be just fine
'Cause I know exactly who I am

I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done
My momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends who love me
And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am

So when I make big mistake
When I fall flat on my face
I know I'll be alright
Should my tender heart be broken
I will cry those teardrops knowin'
I will be just fine
'Cause nothin' changes who I am

I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done
My momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends who love me
And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am

I'm a saint and I'm a sinner
I'm a loser, I'm a winner
I'm am steady and unstable
I am young but I'm able

I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done
My momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends who love me
And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am

I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done
My momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends who love me
And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion |||||||||||||||| 63% Stability |||||| 30% Orderliness |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Accommodation |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Intellectual |||||||||||||||||| 80% Interdependence |||||||||||| 50% Mystical |||| 20% Materialism |||||||||||||||| 70% Narcissism |||||||||||||||| 70% Adventurousness || 10% Work ethic |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Conflictseeking |||||||||||||| 60% Need to dominate |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Romantic |||||||||||||| 60% Avoidant |||||||||||||| 60% Anti-authority |||||||||||| 50%

Wealth |||| 20% Dependency |||| 20% Change averse |||||| 30% Cautiousness |||||||||||||||||| 80% Individuality |||||| 30% Sexuality |||||||||||||||| 70% Peter pancomplex |||| 20% Histrionic |||||||||||||| 60% Vanity || 10% Artistic || 10% Hedonism || 10% Physicalfitness |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Religious |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Paranoia |||||||||||||||| 70% Hypersensitivity |||||| 30% Indie |||||| 30%

  Take Free Advanced Global Personality  Test
personality test by similarminds.com

Lesson 14 - Plans

“Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans” - John Lennon

In life, we all make plans, be it for school, work, entertainment, etc. Everyday we decide what we are going to do for the next 24 hours, if not further into the future. I make plans for months in advance - even going so far as to assume that things will occur in a rational order so that the plans will go according to plan. There are a lot of problems with this though. We, as proverbs states "Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth." (27:1). Matthew states "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." - (6:34). James goes on to say "13 Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." 14 Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. 15 Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." 16 As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. 17 Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins." - (4:13-17). Still, have you noticed how many times in the old testament, especially in the Torah, they say "tomorrow"? Does that then mean that plans are bad? No! Jesus told His disciples to go "prepare" for the last supper. He says many times throughout the text to "prepare." Does this mean that talking about what we will do tomorrow is a sin and that we should, rather, prepare for what is to come? "If it is the Lord's will" that I go to UD tomorrow to help a friend with statistics and afterward go to church then I will. I will, tonight, prepare for my tutor session by studying statistics myself. Is this an okay statement? All I can do in life is prepare for what is to come, but trust that God will protect me from danger. So, I guess that means that I should prepare for the worst in everyday but expect the best. Be prepared to die at any moment so live in a way that, if I did die now, I wouldn't regret my last actions. However, I should expect that the best will come or that the worst will come? If I expect the best, I am ever disappointed as God is with us, but if I expect the worst then it can only go up from there. If I expect to die every day of my life I will become paranoid, but if I assume that I will live until I'm 80 then I'm boasting about tomorrow. I can learn from my past, live in the moment, and prepare for the future. I can get good grades, work hard at all I do, and achieve high goals now as to prepare for grad school, my CPA exam, and overall experience of life. But we aren't guaranteed the life which we are planning for. One must live in the moment and live the life that is now because that's where God is present, here and now. If you're always thinking about tomorrow, you will never realize what happened today until you, God willing, reflect upon it tomorrow and realized what you could have missed if you had been focused on the then and now. I guess the big question remains though - What is Gods plan for me?


What is God's plan for me? I, of course don't know this as we do not know what the future holds nor do we know what God knows. But what is He leading me to? I prefer to think that I'm on the path that He wants me to be on, but am I? All I can do is realize that I seem to be living for the future; living to die. If this is the case, I must stop planning so far ahead, things can change, accidents can happen, life can happen. Nothing ever works they way we planned, it only works how God planned it. My life may make detours from His plan, but he will keep me on track. I must find, through Him, where my life is headed. I must rethink my strategy. I don't "live," I let life pass me by. I watch as the beauty passes, I watch as Gods masterpiece flies by my speeding car. All I have done is sit back and let it happen. I need to take the initiative to prepare for what can come, but recognize that if I prepare to far ahead, I will ultimately remain as a future-minded person as opposed to a "here and now" person. God wants us to be a "here and now" person, not always worrying because, as believers, we need not worry about what we will eat or wear. He will provide if we knock and seek.

Lesson 13 - Knock

This one is easy. We all seek something, we all want something, we all want what we don't have. Wait a sec., isn't that coveting? I guess that's not what God meant there now is it. He means that when you need something, if you seek for, you will find it. You can't just need a house for you're family to live in and sit on a curb waiting for a house to fall on you. You have to see it! You can't need money and lay in your bed all day expecting that, because you ask for it that you'll get it. It doesn't work like that. Jesus asked you to "follow Him," He didn't say, if you want to know me sit right there; if you want to get to heaven, lay in bed. So, in order to receive, for a door to be opened, you must take action, you must seek, you must seek His face. When you seek Him first, and take action on the things that you need, you will find and receive them. God is good!
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"Give Me Your Eyes" - Brandon Heath

Looked down from a broken sky
Traced out by the city lights
My world from a mile high
Best seat in the house tonight

Touched down on the cold black tar
Hold on for the sudden stop
Breathe in the familiar shock
Of confusion and chaos

All those people going somewhere
Why have I never cared?

Give me Your eyes for just one second
Give me Your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me Your love for humanity

Give me Your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach?
Give me Your heart for the one's forgotten
Give me Your eyes so I can see
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Step out on a busy street
See a girl and our eyes meet
Does her best to smile at me
To hide what's underneath

There's a man just to her right
Black suit and a bright red tie
Too ashamed to tell his wife
He's out of work, he's buying time

All those people going somewhere
Why have I never cared?

Give me Your eyes for just one second
Give me Your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me Your love for humanity

Give me Your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach?
Give me Your heart for the one's forgotten
Give me Your eyes so I can see
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

I've been there a million times
A couple of million eyes just moving past me by
I swear I never thought that I was wrong

Well, I want a second glance
So give me a second chance
To see the way You see the people all alone

Give me Your eyes for just one second
Give me Your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me Your love for humanity

Give me Your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach?
Give me Your heart for the one's forgotten
Give me Your eyes so I can see

Give me Your eyes for just one second
Give me Your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
That I keep missing

Give me Your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach?
Give me Your heart for the one's forgotten
Give me Your eyes so I can see
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah