Lesson 19 - Run

 "You can't run away from trouble. There ain't no place that far." - Uncle Remus

        So many times in life I run. I run from the unfamiliar, guilt, displeasure, helplessness, hope, fear, family, friends, shame, blame, and God. I run because I feel that it's easier; I feel that it's quicker. To just run from that which I don't want is easier, in my opinion, then facing my problems and dealing with it. Many people tell you lies to your face until they can come up with something better. Others try to avoid sticky situations in general. Still, others try to find trouble and conflict. I can honestly say that I can be all of these things. I can try to cause conflict so that I can "fix" it and feel useful. I can try to avoid it so that I don't end up hurt or hurting someone else. I have lied so that I can postpone any consequences during a hard time that I don't want to deal with my problem. However, they always come back. They get stronger, angrier, less forgiving as time passes. Because you cannot run from your troubles, is it really "easier to run"? You can never run from your troubles, they will always be worse the second time around; thus, one should face their troubles as they come. No matter how hard the problem is, no matter how inopportune the timing is, no matter the consequences one should face their demons. When you face something, it can go away. If the unfamiliar remains that way, you will never know the opportunities that you pass by. If guilt or shame remain in you, you will never be in peace. If you always have displeasure, you will never be happy. If you are always hopeless, you will never have hope. If you run from God, He will search for you just as He searched for Adam in the Garden of Eden after Adam hide because of his nakedness (Genesis). Just as He found Jonah running from Him and made the seas treacherous for the men on the ship. They cast Jonah overboard and God took Jonah to where He wanted him (Jonah). No matter how far you run from your life, you will always have the problems you always had until you face them. Someone else cannot fix your problems for you; you must do it yourself. Take responsibility for that which you have done as I must do. I have always admitted my faults, I know I have many, but I still run.

       Some people might say that me moving to Tennessee after this semester at UD is me running from life. I would say that I have faced the demons that I have brought upon myself in Ohio. I am becoming who I was meant to be. There is a reason for everything in this life. I feel like Tennessee would be a great restart, but I don't feel like I'm running from anything. That used to be one reason why I wanted to go, but I have faced the demon that made me want to run. I am freer now then I have ever been. I had to learn a lesson, I have learned that lesson quite well. Going to a new school, a new state, a new job can give me a fresh start so that the preconceived notions that others have about me can be destroyed and I can be the person I want to be, the person I was meant to be, in Tennessee.

"Easier To Run" - Linkin Park

It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

Something has been taken from deep inside of me
The secret I've kept locked away no one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show they never go away
Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played

(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(If I could take all the shame to the grave I would)
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(I would take all my shame to the grave)

[Chorus]
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have
Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back
And never moving forward so there'd never be a past

(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(If I could take all the shame to the grave I would)
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(I would take all my shame to the grave)

Just washing it aside
All of the helplessness inside
Pretending I don't feel misplaced
It's so much simpler than change

[Chorus]
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

It's easier to run
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made)
It's easier to go
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(I would take all my shame to the grave)

Lesson 18 - Sent, Defined, and Humbled.

6 There came a man who was sent from God; his name was John. 7 He came as a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him all men might believe. 8 He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness to the light. 9 The true light that gives light to every man was coming into the world. 10 He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. (John 1: 6-10)

What is our purpose on the Earth?I know this is something that I have often wondered. After listening to one of Rob Turner's sermons about John 1: 6-13 it became clear. First, in regards to John the Baptist, God sent him to this Earth. When we find the true light that is God we can't help but spread the word and the happiness that we have encountered. We want to share God with the world. Because of this we are "sent" from God, just as John the Baptist was, to be "a witness to testify concerning that light [God], so that through him all men might believe." Second, we are defined in terms that we are witnesses that were sent to witness based on the verse 7. Third, we are humbled in the fact that, in verse 8, even John the Baptist knows that he is not the light but that God is. We, then, need to remember that we are not the light of this world and it does not revolve around us, but rather around Him.

So, our mission, our purpose in life, is to be a witness of God sent from God to witness to others and to remember that it is not us that we are witnessing of, but we are witnessing of God. We are to remember that this world isn't about us, but about Him. This is our purpose: our mission.

Lesson 17 - The Gospel According to John & Proverbs

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. The Same was in the beginning with God. All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life; and the life was the light of men. And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not. (John 1:1-5)

God was the beginning of the world. God was before the beginning of the world. He is the Alpha. The Word was "with" God, or in a face-to-face relationship with God; Jesus is one with God. God was the Word; Jesus and God are one. God is the great I AM.

"The Lord by wisdom hath founded the earth; by understanding hath he established the heavens" (Proverbs 3:19). "The Lord possessed me [wisdom] in the beginning of his way, before his works of old. I was set up from everlasting, from the beginning, or ever the earth was. When there were no depths, I was brought forth; when there were no fountains abounding with water. Before the mountains were settled, before the hills was I brought forth: While as yet he had not made the earth, nor the fields, nor the highest part of the dust of the world. When he established the clouds above; when he strengthened the fountain of the deep. When he gave to the sea his decree, that the waters should not pass his commandment; when he appointed the foundations of the earth; Then I was by him, as one brought up with him: and I was daily his delight, rejoicing always before him. Rejoicing in the habitable part of his earth; and my delights were with the sons of men" (Proverbs 8: 22-31).

 God had wisdom in the beginning that He brought with him to create the earth. We should strive not of earthly wisdom but of Wisdom from the Lord. What's the difference you ask? The difference is that earthly wisdom is like "street-smarts." You recognize the ways of others and you can beat them at their own game. You recognize a liar, a coward, a bully when you see them. Wisdom from the Lord, however, is many things. I can't even begin to explain what it is to be honest. Those who are wise fear the Lord or "to hate evil: pride, and arrogancy, and the evil way, and the froward mouth, do I hate" (Proverbs 8:13). Wisdom is understanding, truth, knowledge, prudence, accepting of instruction, to not ramble or gloat. "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the holy is understanding" (Proverbs 9:10).

Because God is the beginning, he knew everything that was to be; He knew we were to be born when He created this world. When He created this world, He knew that Adam and Eve would sin just as He knew that He would be betrayed. This is why we can say that Jesus died for ALL of our sins, because God knew us when He created the earth. He knew that Jesus (God in the flesh) would have to endure what we run from. Jesus chose to endure the pain, the lashings, the beating, the scorning, the humiliation, the crucifixion, tears, the absence of family, misunderstanding, the betrayal sealed with a kiss. He lived through every negative things that we could live through so that all was forgiven. He lets me experience the negative in the world so that I can see His goodness because without evil in the world, how would we see the good that He brings. We have to experience storms in our lives to believe that He exists. We just have to remember that to trust in His goodness, we have to recognize that when something negative happens in our life, that is apart of His plan to bring us either closer to Him or to gain knowledge and wisdom that He will provide for us if only we believe and have complete faith in Him.

A website that has a cool list of tips to live life

http://www.highexistence.com/life-secrets-and-tips/

The Itunes podcast of Apex Church's sermons

http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/resources-forms-apex-community/id79423587

The Wise Man According to Proverbs: An Outline

• His Character
  • He Is Teachable, Not Intractable
    1. He receives and loves instruction (18:15; 19:20)
    2. He grows in wisdom (1:5; 9:9; 10:14)
  • He Is Righteous, Not Wicked
    1. He fears the Lord (1:7; 14:16; see below under relationship to the Lord)
    2. He hates what is false (13:5)
    3. He shuns evil (3:7; 14:16; 16:6)
    4. He does what is righteous (2:20)
    5. He speaks the truth (22:21)
  • He Is Humble, Not Proud (15:33)
  • He Is Self-controlled, Not Rash
    1. His temperament
       1. He is self-controlled (29:11)
       2. He has a calm spirit (17:27)
       3. He is slow to become angry (29:8,11)
    2. 2. His actions
       1. He is cautious, not hasty (19:2)
       2. He thinks before he acts (13:16; 14:8)
       3. He thinks before he speaks (12:23; 15:2)
  • He Is Forgiving, Not Vindictive
    1. He is patient (19:11)
    2. He is concerned about goodwill/peace (14:9)
    3. He forgives those who wrong him (10:12; 17:9)
    4. He is not vindictive (20:22; 24:29)
• His Relationships
  • To the Lord
    1. He fears the Lord (9:10; 14:16; 15:33)
    2. He trusts in the Lord (3:5; 16:3,20)
    3. He is ever mindful of the Lord (3:6)
    4. He chooses the Lord's way/wisdom (8:10-11; 17:24)
    5. He submits to the Lord's discipline (1:2-3; 3:11)
    6. He confesses his sin (28:13)
  • To His Family
    1. To his parents
       1. Respects them (17:6; contrast 30:17)
       2. Listens to them (23:22; cf. 1:8; 4:1)
       3. Seeks to bring them honor and joy
          1. By being wise (10:1; 15:20; 29:3)
          2. By being righteous (23:24)
          3. By being diligent (10:5)
    2. To his wife
       1. He appreciates her
          1. As a gift from the Lord (18:22; 19:14)
          2. As his crowning glory (12:4; 31:10-31)
       2. He praises her (31:28)
       3. He trusts her (31:11)
       4. He is faithful to her (5:15-20)
    3. To his children
       1. He loves them (3:12; 13:24)
       2. He is concerned about them (1:8-9:18)
       3. He trains them (22:6)
          1. Reasons for training them
             1. Own peace of mind and joy (29:17)
             2. Child's honor and well-being (1:8-9; 4:9; 19:18; 23:13-14)
          2. By teaching/instructing them (1:10; chs. 5-7; 28:7; cf. 4:1-9)
          3. By disciplining them
             1. By verbal correction (13:1)
             2. By physical discipline (13:24; 23:13-14)
       4. He provides for their
          1. Physical needs (21:20; cf. 27:23-27)
          2. Spiritual heritage (14:26; 20:7)
  • To His Friends and Neighbors
    1. To his friends
       1. He values them (27:10)
       2. He is constant to them (17:17; 18:24)
       3. He gives them counsel (27:9,17; cf. 27:6; 28:23)
    2. To his neighbors
       1. He fulfills his obligations (3:27-28)
       2. He strives for peace (3:29-30)
       3. He does not outstay his welcome (25:17)
       4. He does not deceive or mislead them (16:29; 26:18-19)
• His Words
  • The Power of His Words
    1. Their power
       1. The power of life and death (12:6; 13:14; 15:4; 18:21)
       2. The power to heal or to wound (11:9,11; 12:18; 15:4,30; 16:24)
    2. Their limitation
       1. No substitute for deeds (14:23)
       2. Cannot alter the facts (26:23-26)
       3. Cannot compel response (29:19)
  • The Character of His Words
    1. They are honest, not false (12:22; 16:13)
    2. They are few, not many (10:19)
       1. Not boastful (27:2)
       2. Not argumentative (17:14)
       3. Not contentious (29:9)
       4. Not a gossip
          1. Revealing secrets (11:13; 20:19)
          2. Spreading slander (10:18; 26:20-22)
    3. They are calm, not emotional
       1. Rational (15:28; 17:27)
       2. Gentle and peaceable (15:1,18)
       3. Yet persuasive (25:15)
    4. They are apt, not untimely (15:23; 25:11)
  • The Source of His Words
    1. His heart/character (compare 4:23 with Mt 12:33-35)
       1. Positively, he is righteous (cf. 10:11; 13:14)
       2. Negatively, he is not
          1. Proud (13:10; cf. 6:16-19)
          2. Hateful (26:24,28)
    2. His companions (13:20; 27:17)
    3. Reflections (15:28)

Lesson 16 - Temple

“Don't seek God in temples. He is close to you. He is within you. Only you should surrender to Him and you will rise above happiness and unhappiness.” - Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy

We are God's Temple, in order to bring others to Him, we have to bring them closer into our lives. We have to be completely open and honest with who we are so as to help another find themselves through Him. When we open up to another, we are really showing love to another person. When others see love in us, when they see that we "behold the Lamb of God" and adore Him in a way that others want to behold Him in the same way, we are truly becoming a disciple of God; we are becoming what God wanted us to be. We are here to bring others to Him, but if we live in a way that others see no difference between us and the world, then why would they believe. I see in myself what the world has told me to be; what I don't want to be. So, I must understand that I am God's temple, just as you are. If everyone is God's temple, then why wouldn't I love them? I can say this, I love everyone, I just do not love their actions. Because I love God, I must love everyone who God inhabits. Even God doesn't like some of our actions, so in that frame of mind, I can still hate stupidity, but I still must love the person themselves.  I think I finally understand how Jesus and God love everyone, He loves them as a person, not their actions. I can definitely love a person and not their actions, that makes lesson 2, 5, and 6 must more realistic and achievable. Still difficult, but achievable. I still must work on giving up my illusion of control and patience... I'm trying, but I keep over analyzing everything and getting frustrated easily. Nevertheless, love will get me there.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
16 Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you? 17 If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him; for God's temple is sacred, and you are that temple. 18 Do not deceive yourselves. If any one of you thinks he is wise by the standards of this age, he should become a "fool" so that he may become wise. 19 For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God's sight. As it is written: "He catches the wise in their craftiness"; 20 and again, "The Lord knows that the thoughts of the wise are futile." 21 So then, no more boasting about men! All things are yours, 22 whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas or the world or life or death or the present or the future--all are yours, 23 and you are of Christ, and Christ is of God (1 Corinthians 3:16-23).

Day 15 - Live and Learn (Who I am)

"The fire you kindle for your enemy often burns yourself more than them." - Chinese Proverb

When I look at those people around me that I'm trying to "love" but am having trouble doing so, I see in them what I don't like about myself. We normally don't like others due to something that we find irritating about them, ironically enough, that thing that we don't like but can't put our finger on, is something we want to change about ourselves but are settle with what we know. I find that, when I look at others, I don't like certain character traits of certain people. For instance, I don't like when I see others jumping to conclusions, getting impatient, wanting to fight, procrastinating, sitting at work on the internet playing a game, others skipping class, etc. I don't like those things because of the following reasons.

• I jump to conclusions and I have found that they are normally incorrect - so you shouldn't do it. 
• I get impatient with people, not things - don't get frustrated at your computer because it has to think harder than you can. 
• You shouldn't want to fight! All it does is cause blood to be drawn that didn't need to be. 
• I can't procrastinate, you shouldn't be able to either. 
• I can't play a game because I'm picking up your slack, do your work! 
• If you don't want to go to class, get out of college. 

I can't stand stupidity, yet that is all I'm surrounded by. People playing mind games to get their way when all they have to do is simply ask for what they really want. Yet, as I say that the things I hate are apart of me, I also play mind games when it would benefit me personally. That make me a hypocrite, and thus something that God doesn't like. This thought process made me think about "ethics." There are multiple theories of ethical behavior - what one ought to do. Which one am I? Which one are you?

1. Utilitarianism (John Stuart Mill / Jeremy Bentham) - One is only obligated to do that which maximize the happiness of the whole. (Teontological/ Consequentialism/ Hedonism)
2. Categorical Imperative (Immanuel Kant) - "Act only according to that maxim whereby you can, at the same time, will that it should become a universal law." (Deontological)
1. The first premise is that a person acts morally if his or her conduct would, without condition, be the "right" conduct for any person in similar circumstances (the "First Maxim").
2. The second premise is that conduct is "right" if it treats others as ends in themselves and not as means to an end (the "Second Maxim").
3. The conclusion is that a person acts morally when he or she acts as if his or her conduct was establishing a universal law governing others in similar circumstances (the "Third Maxim").
3. Divine Command Theory - God’s commands are the source of ethics, that God is a moral authority and we ought always to obey his commands, irrespective of the consequences of doing so.
4. Agapism - deontological system of ethics consisting of one simple command: in every situation, do the loving thing, whatever that may be.
5. Virtue Ethics - ethics is primarily about agents, not actions. Being good is thus seen as primarily a matter of character rather than of deeds. Virtues always fall between two extremes, vices of excess and deficiency.
6. So Many More!!!!

 Well, in my opinion, they are all right! Utilitarianism is right because we should try to maximize happiness; however it is incorrect because, no matter how much happiness, or lack of pain, it brings, we should never kill an innocent person. The Categorical Imperative is right in that we should think of, before we act, how it would appear to you if another person acted in the same way in the same situation; how would you view them? The Divine Command Theory is, in my opinion, something that very much happened in the 1 century B.C and during the time of Jesus; still, we should obey the laws that he laid out for us in the Bible. Nevertheless, I don't think that you will see a burning bush if you walk outside right now. Agapism is a very GOOD thought in that this is what I'm trying to accomplish - to love everyone and to act lovingly toward them. Virtue Ethics is a very real thought as well in that people are normally cowards or brave, patient or impatient, prudent or careless, etc. Most people are to one extreme or the other. So, I'm one jumbled ethical theory, I'm what I don't like, I have many flaws, I can't understand a lot of things that I should be understanding, I like to be the center of attention, I don't like others who like to be the center of attention because I want it. I must change. I have to figure out what action will enable me to take the step. Talk is only talk, I must walk the walk. I must overcome my comforts, my expectations, my mindset. I must do what Rene Descartes did and reject all that I know, rethink what I know - Tabula Rasa.

"Who I Am" - Jessica Andrews

If I live to be a hundred
And never see the seven wonders
That'll be alright
If I don't make it to the big leagues
If I never win a Grammy
I'm gonna be just fine
'Cause I know exactly who I am

I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done
My momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends who love me
And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am

So when I make big mistake
When I fall flat on my face
I know I'll be alright
Should my tender heart be broken
I will cry those teardrops knowin'
I will be just fine
'Cause nothin' changes who I am

I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done
My momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends who love me
And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am

I'm a saint and I'm a sinner
I'm a loser, I'm a winner
I'm am steady and unstable
I am young but I'm able

I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done
My momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends who love me
And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am

I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done
My momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends who love me
And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion |||||||||||||||| 63% Stability |||||| 30% Orderliness |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Accommodation |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Intellectual |||||||||||||||||| 80% Interdependence |||||||||||| 50% Mystical |||| 20% Materialism |||||||||||||||| 70% Narcissism |||||||||||||||| 70% Adventurousness || 10% Work ethic |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Conflictseeking |||||||||||||| 60% Need to dominate |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Romantic |||||||||||||| 60% Avoidant |||||||||||||| 60% Anti-authority |||||||||||| 50%

Wealth |||| 20% Dependency |||| 20% Change averse |||||| 30% Cautiousness |||||||||||||||||| 80% Individuality |||||| 30% Sexuality |||||||||||||||| 70% Peter pancomplex |||| 20% Histrionic |||||||||||||| 60% Vanity || 10% Artistic || 10% Hedonism || 10% Physicalfitness |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Religious |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Paranoia |||||||||||||||| 70% Hypersensitivity |||||| 30% Indie |||||| 30%

  Take Free Advanced Global Personality  Test
personality test by similarminds.com

Lesson 14 - Plans

“Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans” - John Lennon

In life, we all make plans, be it for school, work, entertainment, etc. Everyday we decide what we are going to do for the next 24 hours, if not further into the future. I make plans for months in advance - even going so far as to assume that things will occur in a rational order so that the plans will go according to plan. There are a lot of problems with this though. We, as proverbs states "Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth." (27:1). Matthew states "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." - (6:34). James goes on to say "13 Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." 14 Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. 15 Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." 16 As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. 17 Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins." - (4:13-17). Still, have you noticed how many times in the old testament, especially in the Torah, they say "tomorrow"? Does that then mean that plans are bad? No! Jesus told His disciples to go "prepare" for the last supper. He says many times throughout the text to "prepare." Does this mean that talking about what we will do tomorrow is a sin and that we should, rather, prepare for what is to come? "If it is the Lord's will" that I go to UD tomorrow to help a friend with statistics and afterward go to church then I will. I will, tonight, prepare for my tutor session by studying statistics myself. Is this an okay statement? All I can do in life is prepare for what is to come, but trust that God will protect me from danger. So, I guess that means that I should prepare for the worst in everyday but expect the best. Be prepared to die at any moment so live in a way that, if I did die now, I wouldn't regret my last actions. However, I should expect that the best will come or that the worst will come? If I expect the best, I am ever disappointed as God is with us, but if I expect the worst then it can only go up from there. If I expect to die every day of my life I will become paranoid, but if I assume that I will live until I'm 80 then I'm boasting about tomorrow. I can learn from my past, live in the moment, and prepare for the future. I can get good grades, work hard at all I do, and achieve high goals now as to prepare for grad school, my CPA exam, and overall experience of life. But we aren't guaranteed the life which we are planning for. One must live in the moment and live the life that is now because that's where God is present, here and now. If you're always thinking about tomorrow, you will never realize what happened today until you, God willing, reflect upon it tomorrow and realized what you could have missed if you had been focused on the then and now. I guess the big question remains though - What is Gods plan for me?


What is God's plan for me? I, of course don't know this as we do not know what the future holds nor do we know what God knows. But what is He leading me to? I prefer to think that I'm on the path that He wants me to be on, but am I? All I can do is realize that I seem to be living for the future; living to die. If this is the case, I must stop planning so far ahead, things can change, accidents can happen, life can happen. Nothing ever works they way we planned, it only works how God planned it. My life may make detours from His plan, but he will keep me on track. I must find, through Him, where my life is headed. I must rethink my strategy. I don't "live," I let life pass me by. I watch as the beauty passes, I watch as Gods masterpiece flies by my speeding car. All I have done is sit back and let it happen. I need to take the initiative to prepare for what can come, but recognize that if I prepare to far ahead, I will ultimately remain as a future-minded person as opposed to a "here and now" person. God wants us to be a "here and now" person, not always worrying because, as believers, we need not worry about what we will eat or wear. He will provide if we knock and seek.

Lesson 13 - Knock

This one is easy. We all seek something, we all want something, we all want what we don't have. Wait a sec., isn't that coveting? I guess that's not what God meant there now is it. He means that when you need something, if you seek for, you will find it. You can't just need a house for you're family to live in and sit on a curb waiting for a house to fall on you. You have to see it! You can't need money and lay in your bed all day expecting that, because you ask for it that you'll get it. It doesn't work like that. Jesus asked you to "follow Him," He didn't say, if you want to know me sit right there; if you want to get to heaven, lay in bed. So, in order to receive, for a door to be opened, you must take action, you must seek, you must seek His face. When you seek Him first, and take action on the things that you need, you will find and receive them. God is good!
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"Give Me Your Eyes" - Brandon Heath

Looked down from a broken sky
Traced out by the city lights
My world from a mile high
Best seat in the house tonight

Touched down on the cold black tar
Hold on for the sudden stop
Breathe in the familiar shock
Of confusion and chaos

All those people going somewhere
Why have I never cared?

Give me Your eyes for just one second
Give me Your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me Your love for humanity

Give me Your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach?
Give me Your heart for the one's forgotten
Give me Your eyes so I can see
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Step out on a busy street
See a girl and our eyes meet
Does her best to smile at me
To hide what's underneath

There's a man just to her right
Black suit and a bright red tie
Too ashamed to tell his wife
He's out of work, he's buying time

All those people going somewhere
Why have I never cared?

Give me Your eyes for just one second
Give me Your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me Your love for humanity

Give me Your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach?
Give me Your heart for the one's forgotten
Give me Your eyes so I can see
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

I've been there a million times
A couple of million eyes just moving past me by
I swear I never thought that I was wrong

Well, I want a second glance
So give me a second chance
To see the way You see the people all alone

Give me Your eyes for just one second
Give me Your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me Your love for humanity

Give me Your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach?
Give me Your heart for the one's forgotten
Give me Your eyes so I can see

Give me Your eyes for just one second
Give me Your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
That I keep missing

Give me Your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach?
Give me Your heart for the one's forgotten
Give me Your eyes so I can see
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Lesson 12 - Alone

"We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone.” - Orson Welles

“The only real progress lies in learning to be wrong all alone.” - Albert Camus

“I think God leaves me alone to let me find my own strength because no one else can give it to me. Sometimes it is very lonely. But I know the lonely times teach me the most. I must let go in order to let anything in. No one can love me, for me." - Sabrina Ward Harrison

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Alone you will find yourself, alone you will know who you are as a person. You won't have anyone asking or telling you to change, no one will tell you what you can and cannot do. You will find out things the hard way, and really, truly understand them. You won't rush through what you want to make others happy; you won't be who you aren't.

For the longest time I have been who everyone else wants me to be. I have been what someone else told me to be. I make my decisions, but I will change them based on others reactions. I know what I want, but I give it up. I leave opportunities wasted; I falter at every step. I am what I am because of who everyone else has made me. But who am I? God has to lead you to who you are through Him. Jesus would always go on a mountain top to pray ALONE. While man was not made to be alone, it is wise to know yourself so that you can help others find themselves. To know who I am, I can't be "someone elses possession." I have to be my own person here for God. I can't do everything for everyone else and find myself. I can change for you, but only on the surface. If you ask me to be who I'm not, I will; this is my downfall. I can't be who I'm not; it's hypocrisy, it is to lie.

I'm trying to hard to be what everyone in my life wants me to be. I'm everyone elses version of me. I want to be me. So for the remainder of the time that I have in Ohio, I will be spending a lot of it alone in my thoughts, reflecting on this blog, and finally (hopefully) being who I am when I move. Is 64 days really enough time? I hope so.

Think about it this way : I am alone -I won't ask an opinion from anyone, I won't ask for confirmation, I won't put my burdens on others, I won't be who you want me to be - and because I'm alone I can focus on God and what I believe He is telling me, not what you, my friends, or my family tells me to do. I will be my own person, not anyone elses, for the first time in my life. However, because "it's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything," have I really lost everything? I've given up my facebook, some of my downfalls, UD, etc. Do those things count?

I can't say that, for one second, I will truly be alone. People will still call me, I will see my co-workers, I will speak to my family, I will still see my "friends." So because I'm not really alone, I feel like I won't learn as much, but I do that I will learn something. I will learn how to resist what they tell me I should do, I will have to learn how to not justify every action (as I did tonight). I don't want to break, I want to live the way that God has laid out for me, but if I'm listening to everyone elses wants for my life, I won't ever hear what God wants, just what you want.
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"Narrator: When people think you're dying, they really, really listen to you, instead of just...
Marla Singer: - instead of just waiting for their turn to speak?" - Fight Club

"Is losing all hope freedom? Think about it. A man that has nothing to lose is free. You don't depend on anything and nothing depends on you, you are free to be whatever you want to be." - Jack (http://fight-club-quotes.blogspot.com/)

Lesson 11 - Faith

"Faith makes things possible, not easy."- Anonymous

"Faith makes all things possible.... love makes all things easy.” -Anonymous

“Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted in spite of your changing moods” - C.S Lewis

"There is nothing that wastes the body like worry, and one who has any faith in God should be ashamed to worry about anything whatsoever” - Mahatma Gandhi

"Faith... Must be enforced by reason...When faith becomes blind it dies.” - Mahatma Gandhi

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Faith is something that has different meanings to many people. To a Christian, it should mean complete trust in God - even though you can't see Him. This is what I was talking about in "Day 10". However, as Gandhi says it must be enforced by reason. We have to search and go through the Bible to learn about that which we have faith in - God.

Many characters in the Bible have "little faith" or "great faith," there is no in between. Jesus' disciples had little faith while the woman who touched the hem of Jesus' garment was healed instantly because of her great faith. In Matthew, Jesus explains faith in parables and having much or little faith. In many instances, the people who followed or were supposed to have complete faith in God are the one who did not have faith; however, those who were lowly and not constant followers of God had "great faith." Those who followed him, or were said to believe, did not act on their faith, they just said they had it. Those who were lowly said they believed, and acted on that belief. One cannot believe or have faith, true faith, and not want to tell others about it. Still, faith is something that one believes, and if you truly believe in Him you will never be alone. Faith that He will meet your needs, faith that He will protect you, faith that - even when He gives you what may seem like an impossible task -you can do whatever He wanted you to do.

If you live in faith, you trust him fully and you will not fight for control that you don't have; if you live in faith, you will speak His word, live in a way that others will follow instead of others hating our hypocrisy.

Living in faith is giving all control to God and trusting that He will protect and heal you. Living in faith is living a life that is worth living and giving glory to Him always.

http://www.biblestudytools.com/search/?q=faith&s=Bibles&p=2

Day 10 - Live and Learn (The change must begin)

"HE LEADETH ME" - Psalms 23:2

Lesson 1 - Forgive and Forget

I think that, as the days go on, this is getting a lot easier. I believe that I have forgotten a lot of what has happened in the past. In fact, I don't even remember what I'm supposed to be forgetting. :)

Lesson 2-Happiness and Love

Courage: this is getting better. I'm gaining the courage to say what I want to say when I want to say it. Freedom: it is what it has been, but I feel as if nothing is holding be back! Love: Love I'm beginning to gain a true grasp on. Loving everyone, however, still working on.

Lesson 3 - God and the Doctor

I feel like I still need to work on my prayer life, but I am definitely focusing more on my walk with God and spending more time in the Bible.

Lesson 4 - Walls

I'm still having a problem giving up control that I don't really have. Thinking about doing this is something that I want to make a reality. Things that shouldn't be happening are happening in a good way. I know that good and bad come from God and I understand that I will praise Him in whichever circumstance He deals me. I don't know, however, how to give up something that I don't have. Thus, I'm still trying to figure out how to do this, I really am.

Day 5 - Live and Learn

As I said above, loving everyone is something I'm still working on. To love the person that makes me feel like crap isn't really someone that I want to love, but I know that I should.

Lesson 6 - Deeper in Love

If love is:
Love never gives up,
cares more for others than for self,
doesn't want what it doesn't have,
doesn't strut,
doesn't have a swelled head,
doesn't force itself on others,
isn't always "me first,"
doesn't fly off the handle,
doesn't keep score,
doesn't revel when others grovel,
takes pleasure in the truth,
puts up with anything,
trusts God always,
always looks for the best,
never looks back,
it never dies.

Have I really every felt all of these things? Even in family its seems like all these things aren't true, so is there really ever a time, besides God's love, where these things stand?
I have a hard time believing that all of these things can come from one person, I really do.

Lesson 7 - Job

I know that I will face defeat, I know that I will fail, but I also know that God will always love me, care for me, and protect me.

Lesson 8 - To See

I know I don't know everything and so far, I haven't said that I do know it all. I am trying to listen more as the wise man listens and doesn't speak while the fool talks and doesn't listen.

Lesson 9 - Justifying a Lie

I don't believe I have lied today; however, I can't remember this morning. Still, it has only been one day.

Day 10 - Live and Learn

With every lesson so far, I see an I don't know answer attached to it. I've got lesson 7 down, lesson 1 I'm most of the way there, lesson 2 I'm even kinda close on. The more I see I don't know, the more I feel like I'm not getting the big picture. I feel like the blind man in Mark 8. Jesus spat on his eyes and he saw men walking like trees, then Jesus touched him and he saw clearly. In order to understand that Jesus was truly the Son of God, one had to be able to see his miracles, but they also had to see him die on the cross and be resurrected. I feel like I have been spit on; like God has shown me the miracles in my life - much like those in the movie "Facing the Giants"- but I haven't gotten the rest of it. I know that He died on the Cross for my sins and was resurrected on the third day, I know this. I feel like I'm missing something though. To really learn a lesson, there has to be a drastic change in one life. For many this change is losing a loved one, moving, losing money, seeing a friend hurt, and finding out something the hard way. Reading the Bible and understand it should bring a life changing experience. It has in my life in that the drama is being weeded out of my life, I'm recognizing my faults and my hypocrisies before I say them, I'm recognizing what should be done before its to late to act. I know there is a change, but is it just at the surface?

To really change, one needs to let go of fear. Fear of losing control, fear of failure, fear of success, fear of the unknown, fear of regret, fear of love, fear of our past, fear of our future, fear of action, fear of immobility, fear of restrictions, fear of fear. The only thing that we should fear is God, but He was no where on my list of fears. He is my safe haven away from my fears. The fear of God, what does this really mean? Does it mean to be literally afraid of Him, to quiver at his name in horror? I don't think so. To fear the Lord is not the fear that we think of today, it is something much deeper than that. Why must we fear him?

Eugene Merrill puts it this way:

Fear as a response to God and his deeds is so important an aspect of biblical faith and life that Fear actually occurs as an epithet of God himself. Jacob describes the Lord as the "Fear of Isaac" his father ( Gen 31:42 ; cf. v. 53 ), suggesting that Isaac had such reverential submission to the Lord that the Lord, to him, was the embodiment of fear. Usually, however, the fear of the Lord is an inducement to obedience and service: to fear God is to do his will. This equation appears most prominently in covenant contexts, especially in Deuteronomy, where the appeal is to serve the Lord as evidence of proper recognition of his sovereignty. The Lord as King demands and deserves the awesome respect of his people, a respect that issues in obedient
service.Fear of God also lies at the heart of successful living in the world. Wisdom literature makes it clear that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, a fear equated with the "knowledge of the Holy One" ( Prov 9:10 ; 1:7 ; Psalm 111:10 ). To fear God is to know him and to know him is to fear him. Such healthy fear enables one to praise God ( Psalm 22:23 ; Rev 14:7 ); to enjoy benefits and blessings at his hand ( Psalm 34:9 ; Psalms 103:11 Psalms 103:13 Psalms 103:17 ); to rest in peace and security ( Psalm 112:7-8 ); and to experience length of days ( Prov 10:27 ; 19:23 ). But fear of God also produces fear of wrath and judgment in those who do not know him or who refuse to serve him. There are, thus, two sides of the fear of the Lord that which produces awe, reverence, and obedience, and that which causes one to cower in dread and terror in anticipation of his displeasure.

http://www.biblestudytools.com/dictionaries/bakers-evangelical-dictionary/fear.html

Then again, if you find the term "Yir'ah," which in Hebrew means fear, you can see that the definition is as follows:

fear, terror, fearing
fear, terror
awesome or terrifying thing (object causing fear)
fear (of God), respect, reverence, piety
revered

http://www.biblestudytools.com/lexicons/hebrew/kjv/yirah.html

So to give reverence, respect, and to revere God is to fear Him. Not to be scared of Him, unless of course it is His wrath we are speaking of. So if were are holding him with reverence, then we are awestruck by him. He however, is the one that never changes, so why am I so afraid of change? I don't respect change or revere it. I don't like it but I know must happen for us to grown. I like my old comfortable shoe. I need to toss it out though.

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So, why am I so afraid to change; to lose control over something that isn't mine? I've been a control freak for I don't know how long. Time management, organization, and tidiness are all things that I "have" to have in my life. But do I really. I would like to keep my thing neat, organized so I can find them, and to be early, but do I need to be an hour early, or even a half-hour early to everything? If I'm that early is that really time management or a waste of time? Anyway, to fear to lose what you don't have is scary. I don't know what to think of that, but because I don't have it now, He's already got all the control, I'm just attached to the illusion of control. So, if I let go of my illusion and realize that He already has it all and has taken complete care of me so far, what should I be scared of? The scripture says to fear God, as described above, not to be scared that He will leave you with nothing if you trust fully in Him.

This is the hardest thing I will have to do - Give up what I don't have.

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"The key to change... is to let go of fear.” - Rosanne Cash

"Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts.” - Arnold Bennett

"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.” - Anatole France

“As you begin changing your thinking, start immediately to change your behaviour. Begin to act the part of the person you would like to become. Take action on your behaviour. Too many people want to feel, then take action. This never works.” - John Maxwell

"If you want to truly understand something, try to change it.” - Kurt Lewin

"For I am the Lord, I change not; therefore ye sons of Jacob are not consumed." - Malachi 3:6

Lesson 9 - Justifying a Lie

"Justifying a fault doubles it." - French Proverb

How many times have we said something that we may believe to be true and later find that it isn't and still persist in that what we said was right? How many times have we errored in someway, knowing that it was wrong, and tried to explain how we are right to someone else. How many times have we changed anther's mind, thinking we have a great ability to manipulate, when we changed their mind for the worse? I know that I have done these things many times. Whenever I error, lie, or whatever, I ALWAYS justify my actions. I always feel like I'm being attacked, so I feel the need to justify everything. However, it can go one of three ways. Either

1. The person I'm trying to convince will believe me, whether the justification was from a true statement or a false statement.
2. The person will think that I'm "protesting to much" and I will be known as a liar, whether the justification was from a true or false statement.
3. The person will become annoyed or angry. Either angry because they know that what I'm saying is true or false, or annoyed because I keep going on about the matter.

Just because I think I know something about a person/object, doesn't mean I do. Just because I strive for perfection, doesn't mean that I am. Just because I think something about someone, doesn't make it so. Just because I say something about someone/ something, and can "prove" it through justification, doesn't make that saying true.

1 And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying , 2 If a soul sin , and commit a trespass against the LORD, and lie unto his neighbour in that which was delivered him to keep, or in fellowship , or in a thing taken away by violence, or hath deceived his neighbour; 3 Or have found that which was lost, and lieth concerning it, and sweareth falsely; in any of all these that a man doeth , sinning therein: 4 Then it shall be, because he hath sinned , and is guilty , that he shall restore that which he took violently away , or the thing which he hath deceitfully gotten , or that which was delivered him to keep , or the lost thing which he found , 5 Or all that about which he hath sworn falsely; he shall even restore it in the principal, and shall add the fifth part more thereto, and give it unto him to whom it appertaineth, in the day of his trespass offering. 6 And he shall bring his trespass offering unto the LORD, a ram without blemish out of the flock, with thy estimation, for a trespass offering, unto the priest: 7 And the priest shall make an atonement for him before the LORD: and it shall be forgiven him for any thing of all that he hath done in trespassing therein.(Leviticus 6:1-7 KJV)

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1 ADONAI said to Moshe, 2 "If someone sins and acts perversely against ADONAI by dealing falsely with his neighbor in regard to a deposit or security entrusted to him, by stealing from him, by extorting him, 3 or by dealing falsely in regard to a lost object he has found, or by swearing to a lie -if a person commits any of these sins, 4 then, if he sinned and is guilty, he is to restore whatever it was he stole or obtained by extortion, or whatever was deposited with him, or the lost object which he found, 5 or anything about which he has sworn falsely. He is to restore it in full plus an additional one-fifth; he must return it to the person who owns it, on the day when he presents his guilt offering. 6 He is to bring as his guilt offering to ADONAI a ram without defect from the flock, or its equivalent according to your appraisal, to the cohen; it is a guilt offering. 7 Thus the cohen will make atonement for him before ADONAI, and he will be forgiven in regard to whatever it was he did that made him guilty. (Leviticus 6:1-7 Complete Jewish Bible)

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Leviticus 6:1-7 shows that when we sin and we justify it, or just sin in general we are to repay the person in full and add an additional 1/5 of whatever it is. This is kind of a "justification" of the French Proverb at the beginning. While my definition of justification is different than that of swearing by my falsehood, it is similar in that swearing by something was a "ok, I believe you then" statement. My definition of a justification, however, is this: to make a statement, or several statements, that are a proof of the end conclusion or parts of an argument. So, in many ways, one shouldn't justify any false statement. Also, as I said before I started on this journey, to have to justify yourself to someone is just to know that they don't know you well enough to know that you are being honest. You shouldn't have to justify your answer to anything unless your in a math or philosophy class.

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7 Two things have I required of thee; deny me them not before I die : 8 Remove far from me vanity and lies : give me neither poverty nor riches; feed me with food convenient for me: 9 Lest I be full , and deny thee, and say , Who is the LORD? orlest I be poor , and steal , and take the name of my God in vain. (Proverbs 30:7-9 KJV)

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Proverbs shows us that we should only want two things from God: to be far from lies, and to be in the middle class in regards to money and food. By middle class I mean that to neither have to little or too much. In many ways, this leads back to Mark 10: 23-31. This passage is stating that the rich cannot enter heaven if they are not willing to give up their possessions to follow the Lord. For if we are in the middle, neither rich nor poor, neither full nor hungry, we can leave everything to follow the Lord unlike the rich man who wouldn't give up his many possessions to follow Him. Nevertheless, we should want nothing more than we need and to be far from the lies that are everywhere.

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23 And Jesus looked round about , and saith unto his disciples, How hardly shall they that have riches enter into the kingdom of God! 24 And the disciples were astonished at his words. But Jesus answereth again, and saith unto them, Children, how hard is it for them that trust in riches to enter into the kingdom of God! 25 It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God. 26 And they were astonished out of measure, saying among themselves , Who then can be saved ? 27 And Jesus looking upon them saith , With men it is impossible, but not with God: for with God all things are possible. 28 Then Peter began to say unto him, Lo , we have left all, and have followed thee. 29 And Jesus answered and said , Verily I say unto you, There is no man that hath left house, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my sake, and the gospel's, 30 But he shall receive an hundredfold now in this time, houses, and brethren, and sisters, and mothers, and children, and lands, with persecutions; and in the world to come eternal life. 31 But many that are first shall be last; and the last first. (KJV)

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In conclusion, when we lie we owe what we lied about to be corrected; if we try to justify it further, we owe more than would have if we just lied. If we don't lie at all and are kept far from others that lie as well, we don't owe anything except the truth. We should want to follow the Lord and only have what we need: not more, not less. When everyone only has what they need, the world would be filled with less lust for things, we would be more willing to help others, not want for ourselves more. To bad the world will always have the upper, middle, and lower class.

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"What This World Needs" - Casting Crowns

What this world needs Is not another one hit wonder with an axe to grind Another two bit politician peddling lies Another three ring circus society

What this world needs Is not another sign waving super saint that's better than you Another ear pleasing candy man afraid of the truth Another prophet in an Armani suit

*CHORUS*:What this world needs is a Savior who will rescue A Spirit who will lead A Father who will love them In their time of need A Savior who will rescue A Spirit who will lead A Father who will love That's what this world needs

What this world needs Is for us to care more about the inside than the outside Have we become so blind that we can't see God's gotta change her heart before He changes her shirt

What this world needs Is for us to stop hiding behind our relevance Blending in so well that people can't see the difference And it's the difference that sets the world free *CHORUS*

Children talking - Jesus is our Savior, that's what this world needs Fathers arms around you, that's what this world needs That's what this world needs

"Every Man" - Casting Crowns

I'm the man with all I've ever wanted all the toys and playing games I am the one who pours your coffee, corner booth each Saturday I am your daughter's favorite teacher I am the leader of the band I sit behind you in the bleachers I am every man

I'm the coach of every winning team and still a loser in my mind I am the soldier in the airport facing giants one more time I am the woman shamed and haunted by the cry of unborn life I'm every broken man, nervous child, lonely wife

*CHORUS*:Is there hope for every man A solid place where we can stand In this dry and weary land Is there hope for every man Is there love that never dies Is there peace in troubled times Someone help me understand Is there hope for every man

Seems there's just so many roads to travel, It's hard to tell where they will lead My life is scarred and my dreams unraveled Now I'm scared to take the leap If I could find someone to follow Who know my pain and feels the weight The uncertainty of my tomorrow, The guilt and pain of yesterday

*CHORUS*: (reprise) There is hope for every man A solid place where we can stand In this dry and weary land There is hope for every man There is Love that never dies There is peace in troubled times Will we help them understand? Jesus is hope for every man

Lesson 8 - To See

"I see God in everything, whether it's a pair of running shoes or a whale." - K.D Lang

To see God everywhere you look, wouldn't that be amazing. To see a purpose in everything while its happening. This would be amazing! Well, why can't we? God is in everything that we see, do, act, and feel. We were made in his image, thus, he must be able to feel what we feel. He is a jealous God, an angry God, a just God, and a loving God. These are all things that, as humans, we feel. So why can't we see God in them? God is GOOD! God can bring happiness and defeat. He knows which can help you grow more toward him and when. Sometimes, we need to fail to see that we need him, other times we need to win to see that we need him. Daily miracles happen in my life and others lives. I can point them out now, it is an amazing feeling to see God in your everyday life! God's purpose for my life is still a mystery to me just like the path that He has me on. Yet when things happen in my life, good or bad, I know they happen for a reason. To see this is an amazing lesson. You must aim always to see his face; you must aim always to glorify Him good or bad. When something that isn't what you hoped would happen happens or when something is just plain awful, remember that there is a reason that you and your boyfriend didn't work out, there is a reason that you're supposed to move to a different state, school, or job. There is a reason for everything in life, we aren't supposed to know everything - we AREN'T God. We are, however, supposed to figure it out as life carries on. We shouldn't blindly walk through life, we should seek, search, and find.

"Revelation Song" - Philips, Craig & Dean

Worthy is The Lamb who was slain; Holy, Holy, is He;Sing a new song to Him who sits on; Heaven’s mercy seat

Worthy is The Lamb who was slain; Holy, Holy, is He;Sing a new song to Him who sits on; Heaven’s mercy seat

Holy, Holy, Holy is The Lord God Almighty, Who was, and is, and is to come, With all creation I sing praise to the King of kings, You are my everything and I will adore You

Clothed in rainbows, of living color Flashes of lightning, rolls of thunder Blessing and honor, strength and glory and power be To You the only wise King

Holy, Holy, Holy is The Lord God Almighty, Who was, and is, and is to come, With all creation I sing praise to the King of kings, You are my everything and I will adore You (Holy, Holy, You are Holy)
Filled with wonder, awestruck wonder, At the mention of Your name, Jesus Your name is power, breath, and living water Such a marvelous mystery

Holy, Holy, Holy is The Lord God Almighty, Who was, and is, and is to come, With all creation I sing praise to the King of kings, You are my everything and I will adore You

Lesson 7 - Job

Many people think that only the good come from God, the story of Job is proof that this is not the case.

3 And the Lord said unto Satan, Hast thou considered my servant Job, that there is none like him in the earth, a perfect and upright man, one that feareth God, and escheweth evil? and still he holdeth fast his integrity, although thou movedst me against him, to destroy him without cause. 4 And Satan answered the Lord, and said, Skin for skin, yea, all that a man hath will he give for his life. 5 But put forth thine hand now, and touch his bone and his flesh, and he will curse thee to thy face. 6 and the Lord said unto Satan, Behold, he is in thine hand; but save his life. (Job 2:3-6)

When Job had boils from head to foot, Job's wife said to him "dost thou still retain thine integrity? Curse God, and die." Even though she said this, he didn't "sin with his lips."

In chapter 3, however, Job's tone changed. He cursed the day he was born. He wished for his death, he became what he despised. Even though his friends said he only had 6 troubles and that in seven there shall no evil touch thee, he still cursed his birth and wanted God to take him. Then Job said, "20 If I justify myself, mine own mouth shall condemn me: if I say, I am perfect, it shall also prove me perverse. 21 Though I were perfect, yet would I not know my soul: I would despise my life. 22 This is one thing, therefore I said it, He destoryeth the perfect and the wicked" (9:20-22).
He continues to say:

• "9 Who knoweth not in all these that the hand of the Lord hath wrought this? ... 16 With him is strength and wisdom: the deceived and the deceiver are his" (12: 9&16).
• "9 Is it good that he should search you out? or as one man mocketh another, do ye so mock him? 10 He will surely reprove you, if ye do secretly accept persons" (13:9-10).
• "9 He teareth me in his wrath, who hateth me: he gnasheth upon me with his teeth; mine enemy sharpeneth his eyes upon me... 11 God hath delivered me to the ungodly and turned me over into the hands of the wicked" (16:9&11).
• "3 All the while my breath is in me, and the spirit of God is in my nostrils; 4 My lips shall not speak wickedness, nor my tongue utter deceit. 5 God forbid that I should justify you: till I die I will not remove mine integrity from me" (27:3-5).

When God finally speaks, he is enraged, and rightfully so. He, in short is stating that Job, or anyone for that matter, does not truly know anything. "Knowest thou the time when the wild goats of the rock bring forth? or canst thou mark when the hinds do calve?" (39:1). "Knowest though the ordinances of heaven? canst thou set the dominion thereof in the earth?" (38:33).

Job then responded to the Lord by saying: "4 Behold, I am vile; what shall I answer thee? I will lay mine hand upon my mouth. 5 Once have I spoken; but I will not answer: yea, twice; but I will proceed no further" (40: 4-5).

This story ends, however, with Job saying " 2 I know that thou canst do everything and that no though can be withholden from thee. 3 Who is he that hideth counsel without knowledge? therefore have I uttered that I understood not; things too wonderful for me, which I knew not. 5 I have heard of thee by the hearing of the ear; but now mine eye seeth thee. 6 Wherefore I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes" (42: 2-3,5-6). The Lord then told Jobs friends that his wrath was kindled against them and that Job would have to pray for them as he would accept Jobs prayer. Job prayed for them and "the Lord also accepted Job" (42:9). After this, "the Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before" (42:10).

Job's story tells me a lot of things. It tells me that:

1. God controls Satan and all the evil in the world. The deceived and the deceiver are his.
2. That even a man who God holds on a pedestal can fall into the hurt and pain that can surround him.
3. Even when we stumble, the breath of life is within us all.
4. We cannot even begin to comprehend that which God knows. Who are we to say we are better than the Almighty?
5. If we don't love the people we meet or if we mock them, who's to say that we did not just mock a messenger of God or God himself?
6. we can say to much when we are talking with God. "Thou protests to much"
7. Even when we curse him, or our birth, he will still be there to forgive us and to accept us once again. He is the only one that can give and take away. He can bless you or curse you. He is the first and the last.

"What I've Overcome" - Fireflight

I've got this passion, It's something I can't describe,It's so electric, It's like I've just come alive, I feel this freedom, Now that my past is erased, I feel the healing, I've found the meaning of grace(I found grace)

If only you come see me yesterday, Who I used to be before the change, You'd see a broken heart, You'd see the battle scars, Funny how words can't explain, How good it feels to finally break the chains, I'm not what I have done, I'm what I've overcome

I know I'll stumble, I know I'll still face defeat, These second chances will define me, So I'm moving forward, I'm standing on my two feet, I've got momentum, I've got someone saving me (got someone saving me)

If only you could see me yesterday, Who I used to be before the change, You'd see a broken heart,You'd see the battle scars, Funny how words can't explain, How good it finally feels to break the chains, I'm not what I have done, I'm what I've overcome

I make mistakes and I might fall, But I won't break, I've got someone saving me

If only you could see me yesterday, Who I used to be before the change, You'd see a broken heart, You'd see the battle scars, Funny how words can't explain, How good it feels to finally break the chains, I'm not what I have done, I'm what I've overcome, I'm what I've overcome, I'm what I've overcome.

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To know Jesus, you must know the scriptures; you must know the Old Testament.