Lesson 1 - Forgive and Forget
I think that, as the days go on, this is getting a lot easier. I believe that I have forgotten a lot of what has happened in the past. In fact, I don't even remember what I'm supposed to be forgetting. :)
Lesson 2-Happiness and Love
Courage: this is getting better. I'm gaining the courage to say what I want to say when I want to say it. Freedom: it is what it has been, but I feel as if nothing is holding be back! Love: Love I'm beginning to gain a true grasp on. Loving everyone, however, still working on.
Lesson 3 - God and the Doctor
I feel like I still need to work on my prayer life, but I am definitely focusing more on my walk with God and spending more time in the Bible.
Lesson 4 - Walls
I'm still having a problem giving up control that I don't really have. Thinking about doing this is something that I want to make a reality. Things that shouldn't be happening are happening in a good way. I know that good and bad come from God and I understand that I will praise Him in whichever circumstance He deals me. I don't know, however, how to give up something that I don't have. Thus, I'm still trying to figure out how to do this, I really am.
Day 5 - Live and Learn
As I said above, loving everyone is something I'm still working on. To love the person that makes me feel like crap isn't really someone that I want to love, but I know that I should.
Lesson 6 - Deeper in Love
If love is:
Love never gives up,
cares more for others than for self,
doesn't want what it doesn't have,
doesn't strut,
doesn't have a swelled head,
doesn't force itself on others,
isn't always "me first,"
doesn't fly off the handle,
doesn't keep score,
doesn't revel when others grovel,
takes pleasure in the truth,
puts up with anything,
trusts God always,
always looks for the best,
never looks back,
it never dies.
Have I really every felt all of these things? Even in family its seems like all these things aren't true, so is there really ever a time, besides God's love, where these things stand?
I have a hard time believing that all of these things can come from one person, I really do.
Lesson 7 - Job
I know that I will face defeat, I know that I will fail, but I also know that God will always love me, care for me, and protect me.
Lesson 8 - To See
I know I don't know everything and so far, I haven't said that I do know it all. I am trying to listen more as the wise man listens and doesn't speak while the fool talks and doesn't listen.
Lesson 9 - Justifying a Lie
I don't believe I have lied today; however, I can't remember this morning. Still, it has only been one day.
Day 10 - Live and Learn
With every lesson so far, I see an I don't know answer attached to it. I've got lesson 7 down, lesson 1 I'm most of the way there, lesson 2 I'm even kinda close on. The more I see I don't know, the more I feel like I'm not getting the big picture. I feel like the blind man in Mark 8. Jesus spat on his eyes and he saw men walking like trees, then Jesus touched him and he saw clearly. In order to understand that Jesus was truly the Son of God, one had to be able to see his miracles, but they also had to see him die on the cross and be resurrected. I feel like I have been spit on; like God has shown me the miracles in my life - much like those in the movie "Facing the Giants"- but I haven't gotten the rest of it. I know that He died on the Cross for my sins and was resurrected on the third day, I know this. I feel like I'm missing something though. To really learn a lesson, there has to be a drastic change in one life. For many this change is losing a loved one, moving, losing money, seeing a friend hurt, and finding out something the hard way. Reading the Bible and understand it should bring a life changing experience. It has in my life in that the drama is being weeded out of my life, I'm recognizing my faults and my hypocrisies before I say them, I'm recognizing what should be done before its to late to act. I know there is a change, but is it just at the surface?
To really change, one needs to let go of fear. Fear of losing control, fear of failure, fear of success, fear of the unknown, fear of regret, fear of love, fear of our past, fear of our future, fear of action, fear of immobility, fear of restrictions, fear of fear. The only thing that we should fear is God, but He was no where on my list of fears. He is my safe haven away from my fears. The fear of God, what does this really mean? Does it mean to be literally afraid of Him, to quiver at his name in horror? I don't think so. To fear the Lord is not the fear that we think of today, it is something much deeper than that. Why must we fear him?
Eugene Merrill puts it this way:
Fear as a response to God and his deeds is so important an aspect of biblical faith and life that Fear actually occurs as an epithet of God himself. Jacob describes the Lord as the "Fear of Isaac" his father ( Gen 31:42 ; cf. v. 53 ), suggesting that Isaac had such reverential submission to the Lord that the Lord, to him, was the embodiment of fear. Usually, however, the fear of the Lord is an inducement to obedience and service: to fear God is to do his will. This equation appears most prominently in covenant contexts, especially in Deuteronomy, where the appeal is to serve the Lord as evidence of proper recognition of his sovereignty. The Lord as King demands and deserves the awesome respect of his people, a respect that issues in obedient
service.Fear of God also lies at the heart of successful living in the world. Wisdom literature makes it clear that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, a fear equated with the "knowledge of the Holy One" ( Prov 9:10 ; 1:7 ; Psalm 111:10 ). To fear God is to know him and to know him is to fear him. Such healthy fear enables one to praise God ( Psalm 22:23 ; Rev 14:7 ); to enjoy benefits and blessings at his hand ( Psalm 34:9 ; Psalms 103:11 Psalms 103:13 Psalms 103:17 ); to rest in peace and security ( Psalm 112:7-8 ); and to experience length of days ( Prov 10:27 ; 19:23 ). But fear of God also produces fear of wrath and judgment in those who do not know him or who refuse to serve him. There are, thus, two sides of the fear of the Lord that which produces awe, reverence, and obedience, and that which causes one to cower in dread and terror in anticipation of his displeasure.
http://www.biblestudytools.com/dictionaries/bakers-evangelical-dictionary/fear.html
Then again, if you find the term "Yir'ah," which in Hebrew means fear, you can see that the definition is as follows:
fear, terror, fearing
fear, terror
awesome or terrifying thing (object causing fear)
fear (of God), respect, reverence, piety
revered
http://www.biblestudytools.com/lexicons/hebrew/kjv/yirah.html
So to give reverence, respect, and to revere God is to fear Him. Not to be scared of Him, unless of course it is His wrath we are speaking of. So if were are holding him with reverence, then we are awestruck by him. He however, is the one that never changes, so why am I so afraid of change? I don't respect change or revere it. I don't like it but I know must happen for us to grown. I like my old comfortable shoe. I need to toss it out though.
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So, why am I so afraid to change; to lose control over something that isn't mine? I've been a control freak for I don't know how long. Time management, organization, and tidiness are all things that I "have" to have in my life. But do I really. I would like to keep my thing neat, organized so I can find them, and to be early, but do I need to be an hour early, or even a half-hour early to everything? If I'm that early is that really time management or a waste of time? Anyway, to fear to lose what you don't have is scary. I don't know what to think of that, but because I don't have it now, He's already got all the control, I'm just attached to the illusion of control. So, if I let go of my illusion and realize that He already has it all and has taken complete care of me so far, what should I be scared of? The scripture says to fear God, as described above, not to be scared that He will leave you with nothing if you trust fully in Him.
This is the hardest thing I will have to do - Give up what I don't have.
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"The key to change... is to let go of fear.” - Rosanne Cash
"Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts.” - Arnold Bennett
"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.” - Anatole France
"If you want to truly understand something, try to change it.” - Kurt Lewin
"For I am the Lord, I change not; therefore ye sons of Jacob are not consumed." - Malachi 3:6
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